What this Flood gave us and what we ought to give back- an entrepreneur’s perspective on rebuilding Kerala

On the 72^nd Independence Day of India, Kerala woke up to another form of independence. A human face of freedom struggle. Freedom from ego, freedom from unwanted biases, freedom from religious, political differences. The entire state put their best efforts to rescue and save millions of lives who got stranded in various flood ridden places.  Humanity prevails and we saw it in the smallest of kind acts around. 

The Youth whom we so far called “reckless” , went ahead and took charge of working at the rescue and rehabilitation shelters, the fishermen who came along with their boats and saved innumerable lives from the water logged areas, the businessmen who gave away rehabilitation materials for free, the large number of volunteers who came forward as rescue soldiers, the army, navy and local area leaders who took up saving and serving the disaster victims – all are great examples of leadership.

A significant contribution of a crisis is resilience – the survivors develop confidence about self and also become grateful about whatever they have.  I would call this an opportunity which we should utilize towards building the state.

Being an  entrepreneur – my mind is probably tuned to look at various opportunities amidst all the adversities . I now take the liberty of thinking like an entrepreneur whose entire business is lost in a disaster and the challenge of starting from scratch .  

The strengths  and weaknesses  , the priority and the implementation plan – all needs to be looked at.

Weakness – We lack funds.  We are in a bad shape . Economy, infrastructure and everything is devastated. We have to start from scratch at many places. 

Strengths – We have a huge reservoir of skilled people inside the state as well as people outside who are willing to help.  And the best part is that this people are now united beyond caste or creed. Humanity is what binds them and they have a great zeal to rebuild.

Opportunities – We now have an opportunity – to rebuild our lost infrastructure to excellence as well as to channelize the youth energy towards betterment of the state. 

Threats – Without proper planning, implementation and transparency, we will lose out totally. Our economy will get shattered, our people will get into depression, our infrastructure will get lost and our growth get delayed. We also face threat of medical and psychological catastrophes if we don’t channelize the positive vibes. And yes, dont forget the threats like communal disharmony and outsiders foul plays , terrorism. 

So, what are the possible strategic measures , our state could do ?

1.       Channelise the youth energy – the people who joined together  forgetting all differences , religious, political ideologies towards rebuilding Kerala . Provide them the necessary funds, guidance, freedom and expertise for the same. Facilitate the youngsters to build startups which could help in rehabilitation and rebuilding works.

2.       Make a plan of action by including the bottom of the pyramid . Just like the fishermen who came up to rescue, we have immense talents and expertise at the bottom of the pyramid who are still unutilised

3.       Make a priority list and take up only the  high priority ones to be done by government machinery and outsource all the rest.

4.       Manage funds effectively and ensure transparency and accountability. Collect funds from all possible sources and invest in things that bring results and outcomes first and then only work on  second level priorities.  Let the prioritization happen at local level planning than at the central. 

How to implement the above? 

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     In 1997, Kerala did something which was a path breaker – The decentralisation of governance. Instead of the top-down approach to planning, the bottom –up planning method was implemented in the state. One of the significant methods of this was the conduct of Gramasabhas – where people in the locality got together , identified what are their needs and then made a project plan. Thus the funds were disbursed based on the project , the timeline and the necessity. I suggest a similar model for rebuilding Kerala . An "Action 365 days"  project which will help in re-building the state's needs within the next one year. 

• .       Every local panchayat / municipality can form a special flood rehabilitation committee which comprises of experts from all sectors – education , engineering , health , sanitation , social welfare, women and children, agriculture, logistics etc. Most important, there shall be atleast two local entrepreneurs.  It should be mandatory that local area experts as well as youngsters  be involved in this act. - deadline - 15 days from now. - We call them "Flood Action Startup"  . (For heaven sake , let this not be formed based on political ideologies but purely based on expertise) 
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• .       This committee which will act like a startup  - a local area startup shall sit together and find out all the necessities and come up with an action plan along with a deadline. - one month time 
•      The Startup shall make a pitching to Government for their needs and also explain the implementation plan. Note: The implementation plan shall be made based on a priority list and execution capability list. For eg: A national highway damage needs state / center intervention where as a demolished wall of a school can be taken care by the local startup. 
•     This startup shall be assisted with necessary funds as well as available central resources and technology support.  
•      Each local startup CEO shall be given a online portal to update their requirements and also update the fund utilization pattern. The fund could be from various sources – Govt, NGOs, private parties etc. Each local startup could also be given a target to pool in funds from various sources and not to rely fully on Govt funds. Self-sustainable projects is what is needed. 
•      Appreciate and award the local panchayat FloodAction startups who perform and complete the plan within this 365 days action deadline. 

          Other points to be noted . 

•        Look for every opportunity to build enterprises which will enable generation of funds.  Every devastated land or property shall be looked at as opportunity first and look at options for starting up something out of the existing rather than spending money on expenses.
• .       Look at BOT model for physical infrastructure than utilising entire funds from Govt in capital infrastructure
• .       Have proper transparent distribution of funds based on requirement and also have social audit mechanisms
• .       Make one hour of extra voluntary work mandatory for every Govt officials until we get back to shape (which I think will take one year )
• .       Students and NGOs who are willing to take up roles can be channelized properly based on needs. Let students spend a portion of their day to work on rebuilding projects. This will enable not just in rebuilding but also building skills of the students.
• .       Provide leadership and autonomy wherever possible.  Autonomy and elimination of bureaucracy is also critical
• .   Eliminate corruption and publish financials regularly. Every penny must be spent wisely

Whatever I have listed above may sound small for some people. But looking at the kind of devastation as well as the kind of funds that will flow to the state, I think what we need is a proper implementation mechanism involving people. People are the greatest power and we have shown it now. What we need now is to channelize the people power to re-build the state. And this needs entrepreneurial drive and not mere political or ad ministerial efforts. 

Let’s re-build Kerala - the entrepreneur's way.  I am sure , it will be faster, effective and cheaper. 

#CeeVee

  

P.S: The above is just an outline. Will need lot of  deliberations . 

Independence Day of a Girl

      #Longpost #Feminism #Entrepreneurship #WomeninCareer

 

Last week , I was destined to meet some of the brightest girls from different parts of Kerala as part of our unique leadership camp of Prayaana. It was indeed an exhilarating experience for me. Two days of intellectually fulfilling discussions enamoured with the beauty of young ladies of substance.

As facilitator, I posed some questions for them to think and express their viewpoints. Questions like “What are the challenges faced by girls from Family?” , “What are the challenges faced by girls from society ? “ , “what are the challenges faced by girls from campuses?” etc.

Girls came up with all possible answers- the ones we see in most feminist literature. Reasons like “Parents do not allow their girl to go out of the city but allow their son”, “campuses discriminate leadership by allowing the top position for boy and girls being given only the second in command role”, “society impedes a girl’s freedom by putting restrictions on her based on many things like culture, religion, safety ,wage inequality etc” . . But what struck me most was the fact that most of the answers were presented along with personal examples .

Today is 72nd Independence day of India , and this led me thinking : “Are women in India truly free? “ 

 Are women world over free? Before that - When is a girl independent? What is independence of a girl? 

• A girl is truly independent when she is able to take decisions and responsibility of her decisions
• A girl is truly independent when she is not judged by others for her actions
• A girl is truly independent when she finds her purpose of life and realises her potentials
• A girl is truly independent when she is able to travel anywhere as she wishes to
• A girl is truly independent when she has a financially secure future – when she has equal say over her ancestral property
• A girl is truly independent when she is able to express her viewpoints without being criticised or ridiculed
• A girl is truly independent when she is given freedom from stereotypical roles and is allowed to pursue roles beyond
• A girl is truly independent when her parents/ dear ones do not have the fear about her safety

We can add more and more statements to this list.

I know the above statements are not distant dreams or impossible ones. Let us give our girls their freedom . Let us provide them a safe environment and help them achieve their dreams.

On this 15th of August, all I could do, as an entrepreneur is to try to do a small step towards helping fellow women and girls in overcoming the barriers they face in building their career. I firmly believe that all empowerment of a woman begins at her economic empowerment which begins with a solid career. Whenever a woman faces challenges in setting up her career, we as a society is losing out on the creativity and potentials of 50% of her population. There are many women who believe that its their choice to be on a sabbatical or stay away from career. However, I think , it should be purely their choice and not because of expectations or norms set by people around or society. Moreover, a qualified woman being idle is definitely a social injustice.

Launching the MVP portal of Prayaana – The portal where girls and women can create and maintain their profile with an objective of getting career advice, get assessed, certified as well as get exclusive learning opportunities. Me and my team at  Prayaana have a vision to empower 1 million women through this portal in the coming years.  Wish us good luck! :) 

 Empowerment is Education. And when a girl gets educated and sets up her career properly, it’s a generation’s dream that gets fulfilled.

LETS CELEBRATE TRUE INDEPENDENCE DAY OF A WOMAN IN A FEW YEARS FROM NOW!

#CeeVee

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

Why entrepreneurship is a tough journey and what I have lost and gained in the process!

People often ask me, “How did you become an entrepreneur?” Well, it’s a tough question indeed. I think I have had entrepreneurial qualities right from my childhood. I was always ahead taking leadership roles, to take up projects which others considered difficult or where there was an imminent risk. Later when I grew up and entered my career, my organisations benefitted with these qualities of mine. And I was also fortunate to be part of projects which required entrepreneurial drive. Thus, I became an entrepreneur not one morning, but it has been a journey by itself. But yes, if you ask me when did I plunge into becoming an entrepreneur full-time for the first time, it was around ten years ago when I was jobless. Yes, I decided to be an entrepreneur during my maternity career break!  

I had to quit my first job because of a transfer to another city when my baby was just 1 year old and me being pregnant a second time.  I was a qualified and an ambitious young girl who had a pretty high paying job along with two little babies to take care of. Since I didn’t have mothers on both sides alive, I couldn’t leave my babies with anyone trustworthy. So, the only option at the time was to quit my job.  The next four years of my career break was a struggle trying to balance my aspirations and the needs of a growing family. On one side, there was a financial pinch and on the other side, my own ambition for getting a job and then there was this worst side; it was the year 2008 – the great recession period.

 

Days were very tough. With no job at hand and with meagre family income, I knocked several doors asking for help. Those days, one good thing I did was to utilise my break period for learning. I enrolled for PG in psychology and completed the same successfully.  

After having failed in attempts to get a job and with my increasing frustrations, I decided that I would become an entrepreneur! Yes, I became an entrepreneur because I was unemployed. :)

 I started my first company with a friend and colleague at that time. My computer and phone number were the only investment. I named my company, arrived at a service list and worked hard.  At that time, the word “startup” was not in the dictionary and hence we entered “business” . Now, the word “business” was not very appealing  to people around . Professionally qualified girls from decent families do not want to enter into business. They normally take up jobs in MNCs. Period.

So, you can imagine the kind of impediments that we faced in setting up the company, in trying to convince our early clients that we are capable of handling their service requirements and in obtaining the resources needed to run the business. We toiled hard. We made some money. It was the early days of social media. Digital marketing was new or non existent. We relied on old methods of database management – paper, registers and used the telephone to get client appointments. It was a very slow paced growth with nil investment, with having not much idea about business and minimum family support, we were forced to shut down the company within the first year. The only option in front of me was to take up a job. And I did it. My partner left India within a couple of years and is now settled abroad. I worked with couple of organisations for the next few years. Wherever I worked, I was appreciated for my “out of the box” thinking and my drive to get things done, which made me realise that I was good for entrepreneur stuff. But still lacked the confidence to plunge in.

In 2014, when I sent out the resignation letter to my last employer where I enjoyed a great position as well as a great salary, I was confident to the extent of being arrogant. I thought that I will make it big in just six months! I invested all my savings in my company.  But, to my utter horror and realisation, business was not easy.  Income was meagre compared to expenses.

In all these years of my business, I bootstrapped and didn’t take investment from outsiders. I only took a bank loan. Most of the times, whatever money came in was reinvested into business.  With nil contribution of my revenue to my family, I have been tempted and even forced by my husband to quit business. The entire financial needs of the family has been on my husband’s salary and it also took a toll on my self-esteem when I had to ask my husband for money for my personal needs despite the fact that  I am working day and night . On one side, I was making money which doesn’t reach the family and on the other side, the needs of the family was on the rise and on the worst side, wherever I go, I get tempted with a job offer because of my skills. Most of the time, it has been a lonely journey and I have felt lost and frustrated. I had lost my piece of mind. I had been a bad mother, a bad wife and a bad daughter many times. Someone who burnt the dishes while on phone trying to convince a client or talking to a friend about a business deal.  Someone who went for a business meeting when the child is sick or someone who forgot to pay the bills or book the gas because I was so involved in preparing a proposal to a client. Someone who doesn’t attend parties, someone who doesn’t attend marriages, someone who is always busy trying to hop around with multiple jobs. Someone who doesn’t teach or at least help her kids with their homework. Someone who doesn’t feed the babies or serve food for her husband because of lack of time. I get up early morning to go to radio station and do RJing, then go to a college and teach and in the evening sit and work on my business. In between I took up whatever freelancing jobs I got including selling insurance, becoming voice artist, anchoring, trainer, content writer – all this while managing my kitchen and kids. I have tried to sell food, garments and also work on outsourced projects. This was me a few years back. :)   (Since I didn’t go for selling fish in the market, I wasn’t noticed by any media!)

In the past four years of my entrepreneurial journey, I have had lots of losses. 

I have lost lots of money which I could have earned if I had continued with my last job, which in turn could have made up for my family loans. Not just that, I could have gone on several foreign tours, had I continued in that corporate job. On the home front, if my income was stable, my family and I could have gone on annual luxurious holidays or had much better comforts needed for a home. I had lost the opportunity to buy a bigger and better car. I had lost the opportunity to buy a better laptop or other gadgets. I had lost most of my gold jewelry which was given to me by my parents during marriage. I had lost the opportunity to buy more gold or other luxurious items. My children don’t go to premium school or tuition because it’s an additional monetary burden. I don’t own an extra luxury flat or villa which I could have bought, had I continued with my job and given out on rent. I have felt sad and frustrated looking at the price tag of something I liked, when I realise that I don’t have the money to buy. I don’t frequent fancy restaurants or roam around with friends. I have felt jealous of my friends and family when they upload the pictures of their luxurious lifestyle. (To the extent that I deleted my FB account once and then restarted only two years back to aid in my marketing!)  And the list of unfulfilled needs continues. During this period of entrepreneurship, I have also worked on projects which I thought was great but ended up as a disaster. I have lost on some good friendship because the business relationship didn’t go smooth. I have had periods of depression and loneliness when I have felt like ending my life. I have cried after every failed projects. 

But, despite all this, I am happy. I am extremely happy as an individual who have realized my path. I am happy that I didn’t compromise on my dreams. On my aspirations. And I am happy that in the past four years of my entrepreneurship, despite several situations which could have made me quit, I didn’t quit. I am happy that I am not living a life of servitude in the name of a comfortable job. I am happy that I have my freedom of choice.  I am happy that during the past four years, people meet me and say, “You look so happy and young always! ” .  I am happy at the fact that I have evolved into a seasoned entrepreneur who can dream, execute and manage projects as needed. I am happy at the fact that my kids have evolved into independent individuals who eat, cook, study and take care of themselves as well as have a better life and career orientation. They know the value of money and do not like to spend money unnecessarily. Their needs and wants are limited and are based on family income. My husband has evolved into an equal partner whose expectation about his wife has gone beyond someone who manages a family kitchen and kids education. My relatives and friends have evolved into my best referral network. I am happy that I have provided income and a career entry to several girls who worked for my company and later moved to other companies.I am happy that I am a constant learner and not ended up as a redundant unskilled person. I am happy that I learn about multiple areas and latest technologies to keep myself competitive. I am happy that I don't have time to waste!

I am happy at the fact that in the past four years of my business journey, I haven’t felt bad about getting up on a Monday and going to work. I am happy that today I get to decide when to work, what to work on and how to work. I am happy that today, I am able to look at the price of a product and say “no”, not because of the price, but because I don’t feel attracted to material things. I am happy that I am able to invest my time on creative pursuits than spend time without any purpose. I am happy that each day of my life has a purpose to fulfill. I am happy that I am able to influence people and get as many people to join my team of positive influence. I am happy that I am able to impact my society in whatever small way I can. I am happy that people have started recognising my efforts. I am getting world class opportunities which an ordinary girl from a middle class family hadn’t dreamt before. 

As I write this today, I have been selected as one of the 25 “Woman Changemakers”  from India by US Govt to attend a camp at Dubai in September as well as been selected as one of the ten women entrepreneurs all over the world by United Nations for their Biennial Women in Business Award ,2018. I am happy that I have a circle of great friends with whom I can talk ideas than talk about people or things. I am happy that I am becoming more and more confident about myself and my business each day that I am setting bigger and better goals. I am happy that my milestones and deadlines are being met. I am happy that I have people around me whom I can trust and are ready to work as a team based on the trust they have in me! I am happy that my company's revenue is on steady increase year after year.

And I am happy that I have come to a stage where finally I am 100% sure that I won’t quit being an entrepreneur because, an entrepreneur never dies. She lives forever and I want to live forever, even after I’m gone.  :)

Yes, I may not be the richest girl in the world .But I will be the happiest girl for sure. :) 

And as I always say to my friends, I have miles to go before I sleep as well as Smiles and Smiles to keep. 

(c) CeeVee 

Attitude Issues of Youth!

Yesterday I happened to address a gathering of students in one of the Top Engineering colleges in the state and I asked , " How many of you are here because you wanted to be an Engineer?" . To my great surprise only around 1/4th of the students raised the hands. I further clarified, "So, does this mean, vast majority of you are studying here because your parents wanted you to be an engineer?" .They nodded "Yes" .

At a later instance I asked, "How many of you have made a career plan for yourself? How many of you have some idea about what you want to do five years ahead?" . Except for a few single digit raising of hands (from the 200 plus students in the hall) , all the remaining was giving a blank look.

The general attitude of the students during the entire session was thus lack of interest. Despite my trying hard to engage , crack jokes and also ask them what they would like to discuss, I was not getting the right response. This had been so far one of the toughest interactive sessions I had ever conducted . The only time they smiled and enjoyed was when I asked one of their classmates to sing a song!

This led me thinking : Is it my incapability that I have been unable to capture their interest ? Or is it because the timing was an afternoon session ? Or is it because there were too many students? Or is it because the students lacked interest in my topic?

End of session, I asked a few students directly ,"Could you please tell me why the vast majority appeared to be not interested? Was my session boring?" . one girl said, "No maam, You were good.Actually today only I am seeing at least many of them smiling and sitting through the session." Another said, "Normally there wouldn't be any response. But today many of them responded." I then asked a few teachers and understood that the students generally have an "attitude issue" . Though I was a bit relieved, I was actually more concerned at the general attitude of a slice of the prime youth of the nation. I left the college with a feeling of injustice and an incompleteness. It was just an hour of interactive session and I couldn't do much considering the vast number of students in the hall.

I am wondering how we can inculcate interest and create right orientation to the students about enjoying what they are doing.

I think, this begins at the decision of the choice of education. We are still following a norm - "Choose something better than your neighbor's " We don't look at the capabilities, interests and passion of the kid when admitting him/ her for a course. Secondly, in India, career decision is not yet allowed to be taken by the student. Parents, society, friends and even the fishmonger and milkman suggests about which college is good or which course is better for the kid.

The root cause of all attitude issues of youth that we talk about nowadays is probably their "unhappiness" about their decisions and frustrations they undergo as they juggle between their individuality and submission to parental pressure. In India, our parents are to be sensitized first to allow their children to take responsibility and also be given the freedom to choose their responsibility. Only when the decision is ours, we take responsibility. When the decision is by someone else, we just "do" what they say or be mechanical. Ownership of decision and persistence is key to all success. Unfortunately, our teenagers and young adults are now not allowed to take decisions nor take responsibility. The natural defense mechanism they can take is plain disinterest. This is what we call as "Attitude Issues" .

Inviting educationists who can bell the cat ! :D

#CeeVee

#Musings #Education #Crisis #Unemployability #LackofInterest #Students #Attitude

Personal Growth Strategy

A friend at University asked me yday : " how are u able to travel so much and still work on your theses?"

I said, its while I travel, I read more, I learn more, I write more. While travelling, I get solid time where no other disturbances are there!. (Especially when you travel alone).

Earlier I used to think travel is an unproductive time. Yes it is unproductive if you have to commute daily one hr in a crowded bus. But travelling four hours in train or flight could be converted to productivity.

Its all about prioritising what all you want to do and fitting all into the 24hrs you have. There is no seperate time for anything. Try to fit in all items within the time available.

Secondly, having clarity of goals and deadlines is also essential. And when u have deadlines made for u with clear milestones, your day becomes filled with activities which you need to do automatically and you end up having no time for timewasters.

The only side effect is that I become tired due to travel. But I will get used to it I guess. 😀

And the only challenge is when your goals and deadlines involve another person or team. There it becomes important to get them into action with the same pace as you. But if your goal involves only you and your actions, its easy and possible.

In the beginning of this year, I set two important goals for myself : read 30 books and travel 75 days. Today,on August 1st, Half way through, I have travelled 39 days and read 12 books. Constant checking of goals is also important for achievement.

# Personal Goals #Growthstrategy #Timemanagement.

Art of Giving

My birthday passed last week and my kids asked me " What gift do you want? ". I said, I don't want anything. I am content with whatever I have. Their plan was to spend their savings fund to buy some gift for me.
After I objected,They said, "OK, Then we will not."

But in the evening, when I came, they surprised me with the most beautiful gift that I have ever received ! No, its not a costly attire or jewelry or anything of that sort. It was a cake. This cake was different. It looked a bit dark (nearing to burnt), it was not very soft. But this was the most tasty cake that I have ever eaten. Because they baked it for me. <3

After school, before I reached home, my kids spent their evening time to bake a birthday cake!

I was happy for two things : They spent their play time for making something for me.
Second, they are able to do these things independently without me involving ( well, they don't allow me either,since I don't know to bake. :P They learnt it from my sister !)

Giving something valuable to someone is special. And the value of that thing depends on how the reciever perceives the same as well as the need of the receiver. A great transaction happens when the giver and receiver is satisfied over the received item.

According to me, the most valuable gift you can give someone is your time and expertise. When you spend time for someone else, you are actually giving a portion of your life for him/ her. Hence even a minute of you doing something for another person can be considered as a great gift. Moreover, unlike any material things, time and expertise helps in empowering another and in building a great relationship.

Remember, as I said above, the value of a gift depends on the mindset of the receiver. So, even if the giver gives the costliest gift, if the receiver is not ready to receive it, it becomes valueless.

I have been so far lucky to receive time and expertise as a gift from many people who I value greatly. And I also have been able to give my time and expertise to atleast a few people in the world so far.

Art of Giving thus stands for giving yourself artfully.

Pic: Myself and Jessica in front of the statue of one of the greatest giver the world has seen- Shree Budha <3

Train journey and Food

ട്രെയിൻ യാത്രകളിൽ ഒരു പ്രത്യേക അനുഭവം തന്നെയാണ് ഭക്ഷണ സമയം. കംപാർട്മെന്റ് ൽ എല്ലാവരും അവരവരുടെ ഭക്ഷണ പൊതികൾ തുറക്കുമ്പോൾ വരുന്ന മണം.. ഹോ കൊതിയാവും !

കഴിഞ്ഞ യാത്രയിൽ എന്റെ seat ന്റെ അടുത്ത് ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നത് ഒരു ചെറിയ family. ഭാഷ കേട്ടിട്ട് കന്നട ആണെന്ന് തോന്നി. (ബാംഗ്ലൂർ വണ്ടി യായിരുന്നെ !) ഭർത്താവ്, ഭാര്യ പിന്നെ ഒരു 2 വയസ്സുള്ള മകൻ. വന്നിരുന്നപ്പോ തന്നെ ചെക്കൻ ചിരിച്ചു എന്നെ വശത്താക്കി. പക്ഷെ ഭാഷ അറിയാത്തത്കൊണ്ട് ഞാൻ അധികം മിണ്ടാൻ പോയില്ല. സാധാരണ journey യിലെ പോലെ ഞാൻ ഒരു book പിടിച്ചു വായന തുടങ്ങി. 2വയസ്സ് കാരൻ അവന്റെ അപ്പന്റെ കൂടെ അങ്കവും തുടങ്ങി ! ബഹളവും ശകാരവും, കരച്ചിലും കൊഞ്ചലും ചിരിയുമായി കുറച്ചു സമയം പോയി !
സമയം ഏതാണ്ട് 8 മണി ആയപ്പോൾ അമ്മ പറഞ്ഞു. വരൂ നമക്ക് ഭക്ഷണം കഴിക്കാം. (ഡിന്നർ എന്ന ഇംഗ്ലീഷ് വാക്കിൽ നിന്ന് ഞാൻ ഊഹിച്ചെടുത്തു ).
പിന്നെ ഞാൻ കണ്ട കാഴ്ച ഉണ്ടല്ലോ.. അതാണ്‌ ഒരു ഒന്നൊന്നര ഡിന്നർ ! ഒരു വലിയ ബിഗ്‌ഷോപ്പർ bag ന്റെ ഉള്ളിൽ നിന്നും 8-10 പാത്രങ്ങൾ ! പലവിധത്തിലുള്ള കറികൾ, ചോറ്, chicken curry ആണെന്ന് തോന്നുന്നു. ഓരോന്നോരോന്നായിട്ടു ഭാര്യ ഭർത്താവിനു വിളമ്പുന്നു, ഭർത്താവ് കഴിക്കുന്നു. കുട്ടിയെ കഴിപ്പിക്കാൻ നോക്കുന്നു. കുട്ടി തുപ്പുന്നു. അങ്ങനെ അങ്ങനെ പോകുന്നു. ഏതാണ്ട് അര മണിക്കൂർ കഴിഞ്ഞപ്പോൾ, ഭാര്യ ഭർത്താവിനോട് ചോദിക്കുവാ, കുറച്ചു ചോറ് ബാക്കി വന്നല്ലോ.. രസം കൂട്ടി കഴിക്ക് മനുഷ്യ (എന്റെ വക translation ആണേ. Situation based interpretation ). അപ്പോൾ ഭർത്താവ്.. വേണ്ട എന്റെ വയറു നിറഞ്ഞു. പക്ഷെ അപ്പോഴേക്കും ഭാര്യ രസത്തിന്റെ പാത്രം തുറന്ന് കഴിഞ്ഞിരുന്നു !
Book വായിച്ചോണ്ടിരുന്ന എന്റെ മൂക്കിലേക്ക് നല്ല മല്ലിയില യും കുരുമുളകിന്റെയും മണമുള്ള രസത്തിന്റെ മണം ഇരച്ചു കേറി. പിന്നെ എന്റെ സാറേ... ചുറ്റുമുള്ളതൊന്നും ഓർമയില്ല... അതൊരു വല്ലാത്ത feeling ആയിരുന്നു ! ആ ബാക്കിയുള്ള ചോറും രസവും നിങ്ങൾക്ക് വേണ്ടെങ്കിൽ ഇങ്ങു തരൂ ഞാൻ കഴിച്ചോളാം എന്ന് എങ്ങനെ പറഞ്ഞ് മനസ്സിലാക്കും ! ഭാഷ അറിയില്ലല്ലോ ! ഇനി അറിഞ്ഞാൽ തന്നെ എങ്ങനെയാ ചോദിക്ക്യാ ! ഞാൻ വളരെ decent ആയി English book വായിച്ചിരിക്കുന്ന ഒരു സീരിയസ് look ഉള്ള lady !

എനിക്കാണേൽ നല്ല വിശപ്പ്‌ . Train എറണാകുളം എത്താൻ 9മണി ആവും. അത് കഴിഞ്ഞ് വീട്ടിൽ എത്തി ഭക്ഷണം കിട്ടാൻ 10 മണി എങ്കിലും ആവും.
എന്റെ മുഴുവൻ control ഉം വച്ചു ഞാൻ പിടിച്ചു നിന്നു..ആ ഭാര്യ രസത്തിന്റെ പാത്രം അടയ്ക്കുന്ന വരെ ! എനിക്ക് സഹനശേഷിക്കുള്ള പ്രത്യേക പുരസ്‌ക്കാരത്തിന് ഞാൻ തന്നെ എന്നെ നോമിനേറ്റ് ചെയ്തു !

ട്രെയിൻ യാത്രയിൽ ഇത് പോലെ ഒത്തിരി ഒത്തിരി ഭക്ഷണ ഓർമകൾ ഉണ്ട്. Especially വീട്ടിൽ നിന്നു ഇലയിൽ പൊതിഞ്ഞു കൊണ്ട് വരുന്ന ഭക്ഷണം തുറക്കുമ്പോൾ ഉള്ള മണം. അതിനു തുല്യം വേറൊരു സ്വർഗം ഇല്ല !

ഇന്നിപ്പോ ഈ episode എനിക്ക് ഓർമ്മ വരാൻ കാരണം ഉണ്ടേ ! കഴിഞ്ഞ 4 ദിവസമായി പനി മൂലം കഞ്ഞിയും bread ഉം മായി ജീവിച്ച എനിക്ക് ഇന്ന് അച്ഛൻ നല്ല കുരുമുളകും മല്ലിയിലയും ഇട്ട രസം ഉണ്ടാക്കി തന്നു. അത് കൂട്ടി ചോറ് കഴിച്ചു ! Heaven ! :) <3

A nostalgic lesson

An FB Post made on 4th Aug 2017. 

പനി കാരണം മൂന്ന് നാല് ദിവസമായി youtube, ഫേസ്ബുക് whatsapp തുടങ്ങിയ കലാപരിപാടികൾക്കൊപ്പം വീട്ടിൽ അകപ്പെട്ടുപോയ ഞാൻ ആശ്വാസത്തിനായി പാട്ട് കേൾക്കുന്നുണ്ട്. ഒരു ദിവസം ഇളയരാജ special ആയിരുന്നു. ഇന്നലെ രാത്രി കേട്ടത് ചിത്ര ചേച്ചിയുടെ ശാസ്ത്രീയ സംഗീതം. അപ്പോൾ ആണ് കോളേജ് കാലഘട്ടത്തിലെ ഒരു സംഭവം ഓർമ്മ വന്നത് !
ഒരു ഫ്ലാഷ്ബാക്ക് മ്യൂസിക്‌ ഉം കറങ്ങുന്ന സ്ക്രീനും മനസ്സിൽ വരുത്തിയ ശേഷം തുടർന്ന് വായിക്കുക. ഒരു 14 വർഷം പിറകോട്ടു !

കൊച്ചിൻ യൂണിവേഴ്സിറ്റി യിൽ MBA യ്ക്ക് പഠിക്കുന്നു. എല്ലാ പരിപാടികളിലും prayer song പാടാൻ എന്നെയും മറ്റൊരു സുഹൃത്തിനെയും ആണ് വിളിക്കാറ്. പലപ്പോഴും നറുക്ക് എനിക്ക് തന്നെ ! സംഗീതം ചിട്ടയായി പഠിച്ചിട്ടില്ലെങ്കിലും പഠിച്ചതും വളർന്നതും തിരുവനന്തപുരത്തെ തമിഴ് സംസ്കാരത്തിൽ ആയകൊണ്ടും കുറെ സംസ്‌കൃത ശ്ലോകങ്ങളും മറ്റും ചൊല്ലുമെന്നത് കൊണ്ടും, എല്ലാ പരിപാടികളും എന്റെ പാട്ട് കൊണ്ട് തുടങ്ങിയിരുന്നു ! അങ്ങനെ ക്ലാസ്സ്‌ ലെ പരിപാടികളിൽ prayer song ഉം പിന്നെ friends ന്റെ ഇടയിൽ ചില്ലറ സിനിമ ഗാനങ്ങളുമായി shine ചെയ്തു നടന്ന എനിക്ക് വന്ന വല്യ പണി ആണ് കഥാസാരം.

ആ വർഷത്തെ യൂണിവേഴ്സിറ്റി യുവജനോത്സാവം announce ചെയ്തു. മെയിൻ campus ന് വേണ്ടി പോരാടാൻ ഉള്ള team സെലെക്ഷൻ auditions. MBA dept ലെ ഏക star singer ആയ എന്നോട് participate ചെയ്യാൻ പറഞ്ഞു. ഞാൻ participate ചെയ്തു. Group song auditions ക്ലിയർ ചെയ്ത സന്തോഷത്തിൽ പുറത്തേക്കു ഇറങ്ങിയ എന്നെ സംഘാടകർ തിരിച്ചു വിളിച്ചു. കുട്ടി ശാസ്ത്രീയ സംഗീതം പാടുവോ ? ഞാൻ പൊട്ടിച്ചിരിച്ചു.. അയ്യോ.. ഞാൻ പാട്ടൊന്നും പഠിച്ചിട്ടില്ല.. എനിക്കറിയില്ല. സംഘാടകരിൽ ഒരാൾ എന്റെ ശ്ലോകം ചൊല്ലൽ കേട്ടിട്ടുള്ള ആളായിരുന്നു. അയാൾ തർക്കിച്ചു. നുണ പറയണ്ട. കുട്ടിക്ക് അറിയാം.
Main campus നെ represent ചെയ്തു കുട്ടി ശാസ്ത്രീയ സംഗീതത്തിൽ മത്സരിക്കണം. ഞാൻ ഞെട്ടി ! ഈശ്വര.. അല്ലറ ചില്ലറ സിനിമ പാട്ടും prayer song ഉം പാടി നടക്കുന്ന ഞാൻ ശാസ്ത്രീയ സംഗീതമോ ? No way.

പക്ഷെ അവർ വിട്ടില്ല. Prize ഒന്നും വേണ്ട. Item participation പോയ്ന്റ്സ് എങ്കിലും നമക്ക് വേണം. പ്രസ്റ്റീജ് ഇഷ്യൂ ആണ്. തനിക്ക് മാത്രമേ രക്ഷിക്കാനാകു ! പൊതുവേ ആരെങ്കിലും സുഖിപ്പിച്ചു നല്ല വാക്ക് പറഞ്ഞാൽ വീണു പോകുന്ന ഞാൻ ഇതിലും വീണു ! ഞാൻ സമ്മതിച്ചു. ഒരു മാസമുണ്ടല്ലോ ഏതേലും ഒരു കീർത്തനം പഠിച്ചെടുക്കാം.

ഇപ്പോഴത്തെ പോലെ youtube ഇല്ല, ഇന്റർനെറ്റ്‌ ഇല്ല. പറ്റിയ കീർത്തനം കണ്ടുപിടിക്കാൻ കുറെ പാട് പെട്ടു. MG റോഡ് ലെ music shop ൽ പോയി casette പരതി. M.S subbulekshmi amma, Chithra chechi, Balamurali sir തുടങ്ങിയവരുടെ പാട്ടുകൾ കേട്ടിട്ട് തലചുറ്റി ഇരുന്നു. സ്ഥിരം കലോത്സവത്തിന് പാടാറുള്ള പാഹിമാം ശ്രീ രാജരാജേശ്വരി, മഹാഗണപതിം, എന്തരോ മഹാനുഭാവുലു.. ഇതൊന്നും അടുക്കാൻ പോലും പറ്റില്ല. സംഗതികൾ അത്രയും അധികം ഉണ്ട് !. അങ്ങനെ സാമാന്യം വലിയ സംഗതികൾ ഇല്ലാത്ത.. അധികം ആരും പാടാത്ത പാട്ടായ സരസിജനാഭ സോദരി എന്ന കീർത്തനം തിരഞ്ഞെടുത്തു. sudha raghunathan പാടിയ casette ൽ നിന്നും . തുടർന്നുള്ള 10 ദിവസങ്ങൾ ഹോസ്റ്റലിൽ എന്റെ ശാസ്ത്രീയ സംഗീതം കച്ചേരി free ആയിരുന്നു കൂട്ടുകാർക്ക് !! പ്രാക്ടീസ് ഒക്കെ അടിപൊളി. ഏകദേശം ഒറിജിനൽ song ന് മാച്ചിങ് ആയി പഠിച്ചെടുത്തു. എനിക്ക് എന്നോട് തന്നെ അഭിമാനം തോന്നി ! ഭയങ്കര confidence.

Competition ൽ വെറും 6 participants. ഹോ, ചിലപ്പോൾ prize വരെ കിട്ടിയേക്കാം ! ഈശ്വരാ ....
ഏതായാലും stage ൽ കേറുന്നതിനു 10 minute മുമ്പ് സംഘാടകർ ചോദിച്ചു. കീർത്തനത്തിന്റെ പേരും രാഗവും താളവും എഴുതി കൊടുക്കണം. ഞാൻ ഉടൻ തന്നെ casette നോക്കി. രാഗം : നാഗഗാന്ധാരി. താളം :രൂപകം.
ഒരു ഞെട്ടലോടെ ഞാൻ അത് വായിച്ചു. താളം : രൂപകം. ഈശ്വരാ ഇതെന്തു താളം. പ്രാക്ടീസ് ചെയ്തതെല്ലാം ആദി താളം ആണല്ലോ. അത് മാത്രമേ എനിക്ക് അറിയുള്ളു !. Tension ഓട് tension.

കൂടെയുള്ള contestants നോട് ചോദിക്കാൻ പറ്റില്ല. ഗൂഗിൾ ഇല്ല. Phone ഇല്ല.
എന്റെ പ്രശ്നം cheer leaders നോട് പറഞ്ഞു. സാരമില്ല.. താൻ ആദിതാളത്തിൽ തന്നെ കൊട്ടിക്കോ. Mind ചെയ്യണ്ട. കണ്ണടച്ച് പാടിക്കോ !

എന്റെ number വിളിച്ചു. ഞാൻ ഇരുന്നു. Judges മൂന്ന് പേർ. നോക്കി ചിരിച്ചു. നമസ്ക്കരിച്ചു. പാടിത്തുടങ്ങി. എന്റെ പാട്ടും കൈയിലെ താളവും രണ്ട് വഴിക്ക് നീങ്ങുന്ന കണ്ടു അവർ അമ്പരന്നു. അങ്ങോട്ടും ഇങ്ങോട്ടും നോക്കി എന്തോ പറഞ്ഞു. ഞാൻ പേടിച്ചു. പക്ഷെ പാട്ട് നിർത്തിയില്ല. കണ്ണടച്ച് പിടിച്ചു മുഴുവൻ പാടി തീർത്തു. നമസ്ക്കരിച്ചു ഇറങ്ങി പോയി. എന്റെ cheer leaders ഭയങ്കര കയ്യടി. എന്തോ വലിയ കാര്യം നേടിയ സന്തോഷത്തിൽ ഞാനും. തെറ്റില്ലാതെ പാടി. അത് മതി.

Competition കഴിഞ്ഞ് പുറത്തു കത്തി വച്ചു നിന്ന എന്നെ judges ൽ ഒരാളായ ഒരു sir വിളിപ്പിച്ചു. "കുട്ടി എവിടെയാ സംഗീതം പഠിക്കുന്നെ ?" "Sir, ഞാൻ ശാസ്ത്രീയ സംഗീതം പഠിച്ചിട്ടില്ല. ഇത്‌ കാസ്സെറ്റ് കേട്ട് പഠിച്ചതാ. " "അത് മനസ്സിലായി. രൂപക താളം ദ ഇങ്ങനെയാണ് കോട്ടേണ്ടത്. അല്ലാതെ കുട്ടി അവിടെ കാട്ടിക്കൂട്ടിയത് അല്ല. കുട്ടിയുടെ ശബ്ദം നല്ലതാ. നന്നായി പാടി. അതുകൊണ്ട് disqualify ചെയ്തില്ല. ഏതെങ്കിലും നല്ല ടീച്ചർ ടെ അടുത്ത് പോയി പഠിക്കൂ. " എന്നിട്ട് അദ്ദേഹം ഒന്നുകൂടി പറഞ്ഞു. "വെറും confidence ഉം talent ഉം ഉണ്ടായ കൊണ്ട് കാര്യമില്ല. മുറിവിവരം ഒരിക്കലും പ്രദർശിപ്പിക്കരുത്. ചിട്ട യായ പ്രാക്ടീസ് ഉം ആത്മാർത്ഥതയും വേണം വിജയിക്കാൻ. അതിനു കുറെ effort ഇടണം. "

ആ sir ആരാണെന്നോ പേര് എന്താണെന്നോ എനിക്കറിയില്ല. പക്ഷെ എനിക്ക് ജീവിതത്തിൽ ഒരു വലിയ പാഠം അന്ന് പകർന്നു തന്നു. അറിയാത്ത മേഖലയിൽ പരിശീലനം ഇല്ലാതെ ആഴത്തിൽ പഠിക്കാതെ എടുത്തു ചാടരുത് എന്ന പാഠം. അത് ഇപ്പോഴും ഞാൻ പിന്തുടരുന്നു. പുതിയ മേഖലകളിൽ പ്രവർത്തിക്കാൻ ഒരുങ്ങുമ്പോഴും ഞാൻ അത് നന്നായി പഠിച്ച ശേഷമേ പോകാറുള്ളൂ !

ശാസ്ത്രീയ സംഗീതം കുളമായെങ്കിലും group song ൽ എന്റെ team first prize നേടി. ഗാനമേളയും elocution ഉം ഒക്കെ തകർത്തു !

ഫ്ലാഷ്ബാക്ക് ൽ ഇങ്ങനെ ഒരു കദന കഥയുണ്ടെങ്കിലും, ഇപ്പോൾ smule ൽ ഞാൻ ഭയങ്കര പാട്ടുകാരിയാ :P RJ_Chandra എന്നാ username.
ശാസ്ത്രീയ സംഗീതം പഠിക്കാൻ മുതിർന്നില്ല. എനിക്ക് പറ്റാതെ പോയത്‌ മകളെങ്കിലും പഠിക്കട്ടെ എന്ന് വച്ചു അവളെ വിടുന്നു. പക്ഷെ അവളാകട്ടെ Taylor swift ഉം, Selena Gomez ന്റെ പിറകെ ആണ് ! എന്തരോ എന്തോ ! ;)

Biases and Impact - Why I write about it?

A few of my friends after reading my recent posts about beauty and being dark skinned messaged me asking why do I keep saying about being dark skinned when I am so accomplished person. Their question is genuine because they feel I am talking about this for publicity or probably sympathy.

Some even tried to send me consoling messages saying that you are beautiful and that they like me. 

Well, friends, being dark skinned or for that matter any kind of difference in the beauty norms of society actually is a pain for people who go through such biased approaches from society . For eg: I know several friends of mine who are fat or short and though they say that "I am satisfied the way I am", they do go through lot of conflicts in their mind when they see others better off than them. Its natural for them to feel lower self esteem. To add on, we do hear lot of body shamming comments and also see that only the perfect ones gets visibility or appreciated in common places.

In many of my training sessions, I find girls who are not confident of their physical appearance tend to be not confident of their capabilities as well.

I remember one instance where a girl with lot of pimples on face told me , "I hate to see the mirror !" She felt timid and took much time to overcome the shame. In another instance a dark skinned and short girl in a class almost was brought to tears when I made her the leader of a group activity. She said, "Its the first time she is becoming the leader". I nowadays consciously identify such timid, not so confident girls and give more attention while in class.

Most teachers likes to put attention on the smart ones and end up giving opportunity to them. But trainers focus on the non-smart ones 

Well, coming back to my story of why I write about being dark skinned or facing biases now is simple - Now when I say, people take a look or even hear. Years back, there was no one to listen to my emotions when I faced such biases. And I ended up having lower esteem until a few years back. For me, it took almost half of my lifetime to actually love myself. Without which I ended up as a victim to my circumstances and as a girl who was afraid to dream. But now, the moment I shed my inhibitions and started loving myself, I am able to impact my life and my career positively.

Instances of biases have been several while I was a child. For eg : whenever there was a program on stage, my teachers placed me on behind row and placed the fair girls in front row despite the fact that I did sing well. So as a child I thought that probably my singing is bad so I am not singing henceforth and stopped such hobbies.

 I restarted singing only in my 20s when I identified that I can sing! To the extent that I even went for university level singing competition !  

Well, the one positive outcome of this is that I ended up studying and putting efforts inacademics where thankfully beauty biases doesn't exists ! Brains only rule!

One another reason why I write about these is that there are many girls and women in my friend list who do face similar situations and are unable to cope up.

So, here I am - Someone who is no more bothered about how I look but is bothered about how I impact the world. 

Pic: A pic close to my heart. Largest crowd of girls whom Prayaana addressed for Disha campaign in February at Musaliar College of Engineering