Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Girl and MarriAGE


It has become a big point of discussion in media, when some religious groups have approached the courts for reducing the age of marriage of girls. They say that parents should have the liberty to marry off their girl child once she attains puberty!  The logic behind such an idea is religious however. 

Actually what's the right age for a girl's marriage?? Is there any right age?? 
I am now thinking aloud some of the points and counter points in this matter.

Point One: A girl after puberty is ready for bearing a child scientifically..and hence she can get married.
Counter Point One:  But she needs to be prepared mentally, emotionally, physically and socially before that. (Incidentally, yesterday there was a news about a 12 yr kid,who was sexually abused, giving birth to  a baby and yes, it happened in Kerala! ..So, what should the baby call the kid- "Amma" or "Sister" ?) 

Point two: A girl after puberty is ready for marriage, coz the earlier the parents can marry off their girl, the better.. especially in the minority communities and where there are many kids and the system of dowry is hard. 
Counter point two: But, have you ever asked how comfortable she is in that marriage ? If at all there is a problem , all that the parents can advise is ,"Try to adjust dear.. all this is part of married life" . And how many such marriages are actually "happy marriages"? 90% of such marriages could be just "adjustment marriages ",coz, they can't get separated, and that's coz they already have kids to take care. 

Point Three: An  early marriage helps the girl settle down in life faster.
Counter Point three: What do u mean by settling down? Marriage needs a real strong sense  of managing relationships, nurturing a family and is actually more challenging than being a bachelor. In most families, the wife is the silent bearer of all the tensions, worries, difficulties and what not.. Most husbands show their tensions on their wives. So, are these under aged wives ready to face such situations? 

Point four: An early marriage helps the community in better sexual discipline. 
Counter point four: There are hundreds of examples of domestic violence, marital rape and other sexual offences which are occurring to married women. An early marriage may give a discipline to men who gets a vent out for their sexual desire (for some women too) .. but marriage is not just about sex and the better way is to legalize prostitution.. !! 

Point five: A girl's primary role in society is to build and nurture a family ..the earlier the better!
Counter Point five: But, did you ask the girl about her dreams about her life?  Or did you just instill such a thought into her mind? (unfortunately, our society instills this thought into the girl's mind right from the time she is born!). Most of the women who have unfulfilled dreams about their life (career or family) actually end up as poor mothers for their kids. The kids of such mothers feel neglected and may develop  a personality disorder. In some cases, the wife develops many types of somatoform disorders (physical illness that may be purely due to mental reasons) or may become hypochondriacs, creating a disturbed family environment.. A kid brought up in such a scenario can never be a good citizen of this society for sure!...  

Points and counter points can go on and on...

Recently I met a girl - a young girl (may be 22 yrs old) ,who got married around 6 months back. She had a band aid on her wrist. I funnily asked her, "hey, what's this? did you try to suicide?" .To my surprise, she nodded "yes". Reason? - She had a fight with her husband (again ,a young guy who is only 26/27yrs) . Reason for fight ? - because she danced at her office function, without telling him. Both of them had a big fight and ended up in crying and trying to suicide. 

A girl at the age of 22 is still young ,according to me, to take up the challenging role of a wife. I can personally say this with my own life example. Right now, at the age of 32 also, I sometimes feel that I am immature to handle certain family situations! I got married at the age of 23 and always felt that it was too early..There have been several disturbed moments in my marital life! However, I also know of many girls who got married even younger and are happy wives. 

Marriage needs too many adjustments and sacrificing of personal freedom. Not just that, it also needs a lot of patience, nurturing, caring of each other and the kids. This concept is more relevant in the case of educated girls, who have their career aspirations as well. Many of the middle aged women I meet these days share a story of being dissatisfied with their marital life and that they are taking it ahead, only for their children. The reasons they share are varied :- incompatibility with husbands, husband not understanding their needs , unable to pursue their career, incompatibility with in-laws, or even financial problems. 

So, the right age of a marriage of a girl is when she is ready to take up the "real challenge" and "finds a suitable partner" . Such a marriage will be an ideal one and all others will end up as "adjustment ones"

CeeVee 

Tail piece: Westerners lead a "more efficient" marriage system- though they don't remain married for long, the period they are, they enjoy it fully and get separated the moment they don't go together.. and yes ,there you can get married even at the age of 84 or stay together for 45 yrs and then get married! I think this is much better than getting married at the age of 15 or 16!!

Monday, September 16, 2013

Revelations..Season 2

A Collection of my Own Facebook Posts...

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March 12, 2013

Its more than 5 years since I am into this field of RJ ying .. Not many Cochinites know its me whose voice they hear whenever they tune to Rainbow fm as promos!! just thought of making an FB page .. Thankyou All India Radio and my fans who has heard me all these years and loved me so far.. Expect your love in future too!! I wish to make this page a forum to express messages of social relevance , friendship and to lovers of Radio..!!

Thankyou once again!

https://www.facebook.com/pages/RJ-Chandra/425925877501447

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March 26, 2013

Loss of mother is the most tragic of all happenings in life... South Indian Film industry has lost its most loving and adorable mother today..

(on death of Actress  Sukumari..)
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April 27, 2013

When u r in power...there will be so many people near u as friends..but when u r out of power..u realise who ur real friends are!
Real friendships with ur colleagues is becoming a rare phenomenon..

The only thing that exists constantly in an organisation is politics!

Friendship and politics cannot survive together for long..!


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June 12 , 2013

It feels great when someone pops up suddenly and expresses their thanks to us for something we did to them long time back!
After all, life is all about expressing- if not now, may be later!

- met a friend after long time and he said, "thanks for helping me get me a job, u made my life! "

(and I always thought recruitment was a thank less job! ) 


Met one of our Recruitees after four yrs
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July 19, 2013

As a teenager I always fought with my mother coz she gave me a name which was always mispronounced by teachers and classmates!

But today, I am happy that anyone who got my name once correct, will never be able to forget it!
My name has helped me build my identity in a unique manner!

I feel very happy when great people identify me faster coz of my unusual name!

Thanku Amma!


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July 19, 2013

My son Lost the first milk tooth yday! I still remember those days when he got his first one!

Kids grow up fast! - hope I dont grow older fast!


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July 24 , 2013

Had a great birthday today... a small party at office..and as always , my kids surprised me with loving greeting cards.. !! Went for a dinner with family.... Thanks to all who showered me your wishes, love , prayers and blessings!

While having the bite of the food he loves.. my son commented, "Amma..I am sooo happy..that you were born..! Only coz you were born, I am having my pizza today! And we should also thank grandmother for having given birth to you!"....

I was surprised to hear this statement.. because.. incidentally, I wrote something similar in my blog today!! :-)

Thankyou my parents , my family and God for my life and all what I have and am today!


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August 6 , 2013

Eight years back , the doctor asked me , "Do you want a girl or boy?" , to which I said, "I want a boy and my husband wants a girl" , immediately after which i heard a screeching little cry like some weird animal and then the doctor told me, "Congrats, you have a baby girl!" . I said, "Ayyooo, my husband will be happy!" (I had earlier mentally decided that it was a boy and was actually shocked for sometime that its a girl.) Then, the doctor told me to open my eyes and see the baby . I still remember the most precious moment of my life and I felt so happy to see the two little eyes wide open and looking at me! That moment made me a "Mother" and gave me my gift of life- A daughter who is at times my child, at times my friend, at times my mother and at times my grandmother! 

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August 10, 2013

If I could change something in this country, it will be a democracy as in the U.S. Only two parties- one rules and the other lets them rule! The primary function of the opposition is to aid the implementation of policies and decisions taken jointly. If only, we could remove politics from administration, this may become a real God's own country! I know, that is quite an utopian idea...but really wish for it... can u imagine the kind of resources the govt has to arrange for the "war" that has been planned for Monday at Tvm? If half of the time, money and effort is spent for repairing the roads and handling the monsoon catastrophy in various districts...WE THE PEOPLE could live more peacefully and safely here!

I really wonder how many of the common man want to know about the number of phone calls made by some female to the CM! What we need to know is whether my child would come home safely from school and whether I can manage my home budget with the rising costs!

And the primary role of any govt should be to address the real issues of common man and not to bring army for fighting the striking opposition!

Opposition should infact question these concerns of common man and not just keep asking for the resignation of the CM!

- an angry young citizen of Kerala (I dont belong to any party )


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Sep 2, 2013

I think only two categories of people can survive in India! - the rich and the poor .

The rich can afford the rising cost of living and the poor is taken care by the Govt or NGOs or Rich individuals in the name of charity.

The only category that is affected from all sides is the middle class!

The smartest of them become rich and the not so smart become poor!

May god bless our country!


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Sep 5, 2013

A heap of clay can become a pot only when an experienced potter touches his hand and heart to it. The same clay when it reaches a sculptor, it becomes an art or a god .. the same clay when it reaches a mason becomes just a material for binding the bricks! 

A TEACHER can be a mason, a potter or a sculptor.. !!
A student is always a flexible, mouldable material who can be moulded as per the creativity and passion of the teacher. .!! 

And as in all arts, practice makes perfect the art of teaching as well! 

HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY! 

And thank you all my dear teachers and all my students who made me what I am today....

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Sept 8, 2013

If CAG  didn't exist in this country, India would have become the poorest nation from a developing nation ..long back itself! 

Firstly, I think we should change our pledge "india is our nation. .all indians r our brothers and sisters. ." May be Coz we r a family, we end up taking away or looting our own public resources. . And say, Ya, its from my family!

Sad to see these kind of corruption of crores in daily newspaper!

May god bless our country! 


(on the news abt two major scams exposed by CAG)

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Sept 9, 2013

Sometimes am worried abt the quality of school education my kids! Today I met a highly talented school teacher who said that despite her qualification and experience of teaching in schools abroad, even the well-known schools were only willing to give her salary of 5000 rs!

Its a pity that most of the school teachers in many of the famous schools here are those housewives, who want to spend sometime till their child comes home from school!

Teaching is not something everyone can do! It needs - passion, perseverance and an inclination to learn!!


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Sept  13, 2013

Friday the 13th- good for some, bad for some..

Delhi verdict
Sreesanth verdict
Modi verdict
SC verdict on criminal history!

2013 Friday- the 13th is anyway historical for India!


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CeeVee, 2013




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