The Great Mallu ‘Para’dox !

I was searching through the library racks to find an interesting book and suddenly the name “Games Indians Play” struck me. Its  a book written by V.Raghunathan and the subtitle actually made me more curious .It says “why we are the way we are” . Interesting! Why Indians are the way we are? Well, that’s what the author has told about in his book and if you are interested to read it, please find it out from the library rack (as I did) and read it ,boss!.

So, why are we the way we are? Hmm.. good question. Let me simplify it and focus it more towards ‘Mallus’. Well, it became more clear, this time! We, the great mallus have got a lot of reasons to be the way we are, my dear. Nobody in the world can beat a mallu in some things. You don’t believe?  Go out to the public and open all your senses ; yes the “panjendriyam” or the five senses  and you will get one or the other thing which makes mallus special . You can see, smell, hear ,feel and taste Mallu magic. Still not convinced? Come, let’s go out..and open our senses..

First sense –Eyes – go out to the public, you can see the greenery of the “God’s own country” , but along with it , you can see how we are so good at taking care of personal matters that we don’t mind spoiling public things for that sake. You can see atleast five men using the corner of the road as a toilet. You can see atleast ten people spitting on the sides of the road. You can see atleast fifty hoardings and notices which hides even an important signboard. You can see atleast one hundred holes on the  public roads and more so in the bridges for whom toll is being levied for decades together! You can see how people push each other in a mad rush to get inside a city bus during peak hours, but at the same time wait patiently in a  long queue in front of the beverages corporation!

Second sense – Ears – You can hear the loud and variety ‘reality show’ music , but this comes from the City buses and other vehicles as a strategy for competing with each other. The funniest part is that there is no end to the “horning syndrome” even at 2 am at night or near hospitals and schools! Go to the market , you can hear the exotic language and communication methods followed by the vendors ,which will make you feel, “oh my god, why didn’t god make me deaf!” Along with this, you also end up hearing news- yes the masala news, dear! Didn’t get it? Ask any of your mallu friend about the latest news na, he will tell you about the exact methodology and description of how a female was attacked by some mad men, who indulge in abusing women and taking them to various places.

Third sense – Smell – well, this I don’t have to explain right? , You know what I mean this time. We mallus are so adept in throwing the waste from our house to the neighbour’s plot or to the road ,such that ,every time we walk through the road , we have to close our two nostrils and gasp for fresh air! One more smelly thing- after dusk, go near any malayali man - you get a smell of alcohol-whether "naadan" or "foreign"

Fourth sense –Taste – hmm, yummy tasting mallu food is gone these days .We want only the imported food and fast food, which are high in calories. Gone are the days when Chicken was fried and served in a plate, now we want it in “buckets”, thanks to all the ultramodern MNC food courts! Ya, recently a survey made us on the topper list of having consumed the highest amount of meat products even during the Onam season! With this kind of a taste shift, soon mallus will top the list of lifestyle disorders and related diseases.  

Fifth Sense – touch and feel – We always want to touch and feel everything, especially when it’s written “do not touch”.. didn’t get it? Go to a museum dear and look around. Some are also highly interested to write their names or lover’s names or some crap even on historical monuments as well as our public transport. But some mallus are also good at touching and feeling something which they are not supposed to ..err for eg , while travelling in a bus every man would like to touch and feel some woman ( well, did I say something bad?)

Sixth sense : We mallus also have something called the Sixth sense. That’s what I call by the name “Para” and it is a very important terminology in the vocabulary of an ordinary mallu. He has stories of either how he made life difficult for others or about how life was made difficult by others for him. This specific phenomenon is what I call the “Mallu ‘Para’dox”

Footnote: Well, on second thoughts, I even think I shouldn’t limit this article to just “Mallus” and its equally applicable to all Indians! As the saying goes ,”All Indians are my brothers and sisters..” and hence I dedicate this article to all of them..to think ,to feel and to act sensibly!