She narrated an incident about her own subordinate for whom she has put a lot of effort in training and development, who suddenly played some foul game. The subordinate without telling her superior, associated with another colleague in a different project. This incident actually made her very disturbed. Moreover, it seems this particular female subordinate was attracted to the above said male colleague (in some wrong ways!??) and hence she was behaving rude to her actual superior. While she was letting out her frustrations to me, she told me some strange facts about relationships - especially marital relationships. I credit this to her fifty one years of experience including around 25 years of married life and would just like to put into writing her generalizations/observations. (Since I consider myself as an ardent feminist at times, mostly my blogs are against men, but this time its against both!...)
Most couples face a period of distress, usually after around initial period of married life (10-15yrs??). During this period, most husbands would feel infatuated towards another female and most wives would feel infatuated towards another male. (I said "most", not "all"...so dont shrink ur eyebrows!) During this period the couple tries to see only the bad qualities of the other and find all the good qualities in another person. This period is really a testing period for the marriage and it is during this time that there is highest chance of “psychological divorce” (?? a phenomenon in which the couples are emotionally and psychologically separated , but live together! i hope the name is right).
As always, I would like to put a name for this PERIOD PHENOMENON –Thanks to the new movie name, I will call it “Marital Dirty Period”
FEMALE Dirty Period: Some females (especially working women) during this period feel attracted to their senior officers/co-workers. These females try to flirt around them in every chance. She will be utilizing every chance to compliment the capabilities/beauty of the man. She will mostly be found seated near this man or trying to sweet talk with him. She may dress carefully - careless, showing off her bumps, curves and clefts in front of this man. Some females will try to tell the bad qualities of her husband to this man and seeing her cry will melt the heart of the man. The poor guy will fall for this and ultimately put his own marital life into risk by having an affair with this female! In the case of housewives, this attraction may be diverted in worse directions and hence we hear of stories of females who elope with milkman, gas man, newspaper boy etc.
MALE Dirty Period: Some men during this time will tend to feel attracted to a female, who in many terms be smarter, younger, charming or attractive than his wife. He may talk to her about his difficult situation of his wife’s illness or deteriorating health or nagging or loss of peace. The core reason behind these confessions may be that he is sexually not satisfied with his wife. In the process of getting the sympathy of this new friend, he may ultimately get sex. Such men are so adept in flirting around the target female and they both ultimately fall into a trap of illegal relationship.
These kind of marital disturbances are very much possible in most marriages and if this period is crossed successfully, it can smoothly sail along till the death. One more observation – all these kind of infatuations last only for some time and ultimately the person realizes the real value of his/her partner and come back.
Well, again, all these depend on the situation. In some cases, these disturbances can lead to legal divorce also.
In the olden days of joint family, these kinds of incidents were less, because most people used to get solace by talking to other family members. But today, in nuclear families, this kind of emotional support is not available and hence, marriages are easy to break apart.
Recently I saw a short film about marriage and being a couple. The video in simple way tells the small things that the couple should do to each other in order to be perfect couple. The concept is actually from the famous book “Men are from mars, women from Venus”, but the picturisation is good.
The basic factors of marital success: Mutual Respect, breathing space, along with small acts of love and kindness.
Watch and enjoy!
Bye for now…
P.S: My friend after reading this article , told me to add one more point: The period of “Marital Dirty Period” need not be after 10-15yrs.. it can even start right from the beginning of a marriage (even before marriage). It just depends on your moral values which really inflicts control in a person. If the person doesn’t have that, its very easy to have this “dirty period” at any time of the life!
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