Why this Kolaveri DA ?

How can a man raise his hands against his wife? How could he treat her like his servant or rather a victim to harass and enjoy..

He may have hundreds of reasons for loosing his temper.. but can it ever be a solid reason for such cruelty?

Do the men think that , just by showing their muscle power, they win an argument? How can a man win an argument if he can’t even control his own anger? How can a man think that he won an argument, when the female succumbs to his power show in physical, emotional and sexual manner?

I would say, this is the basic fault of our so called "conservative Indian culture". We Indians (or may be the Male Indians) have somehow created a submissive culture for the women- especially wife. I wonder why so? Doesn’t wife has an opinion? An idea? Or freedom of her own?

One Statistics : Attitudes towards domestic violence, Adolescents aged 15-19 who think that a husband is justified in hitting or beating his wife under certain circumstances (2002-2009*) is 57% in India. (Source: UNICEF website)

Wow, what interesting statistics.. I tried searching for similar statistics in other countries.. Such a statistics is not even available! (even for our neighbor Pakisthan)

I think, such a notion is “inbuilt” only in the hormones of our Male population…and hence such a survey question!  

In our so called “Indian Traditional” culture, we try to make Men- “the earning member of the family” as the top most authority- a powerful person who makes every decision , who decides when to eat, when to go out, when to laugh, when to cry, when to have sex, when to sleep …..

But, let me ask you one simple question? If you still believe that you are the powerful person- do you undertake the same responsibility, the same amount of care for the family members, the same amount of income that those “powerful men” had?

(No way, how can I? I still need my wife to make money , to make food, to sleep with and to look after my children.. )

In today’s scenario, its imperative that women are equally working for the family, equally (or more) qualified , equally talented and have the leadership qualities to run the family.

So ,Why this inequality when it  comes to treating wife as an equal partner? In giving her the respect, in not teasing her unnecessarily , in considering her wishes, in taking care of her needs, in doing small things for her, in helping her out in the kitchen?

Here is another statistics: According to United Nation Population Fund Report, around two-third of married Indian women are victims of domestic violence and as many as 70 per cent of married women in India between the age of 15 and 49 are victims of beating, rape or forced sex.

The most common causes for women stalking and battering include dissatisfaction with the dowry and exploiting women for more of it, arguing with the partner, refusing to have sex with him, neglecting children, going out of home without telling the partner, not cooking properly or on time, indulging in extra marital affairs, not looking after in-laws etc

In urban areas there are many more factors which lead to differences in the beginning and later take the shape of domestic violence. These include – more income of a working woman than her partner, her absence in the house till late night, abusing and neglecting in-laws, being more forward socially etc.

Though in law, there is a provision which supports women against “Domestic Violence” I would say, what we need is a law against pure violence or rather “UnDomestic Violence” as these men cannot be called with any better name than “Beast”!

 I dedicate this song "WHY THIS KOLAVERI DA?" to such Beasts!

Before I stop, I am reminded of watching the movie “Provoked” starring Aiswarya Rai – A brilliant film of an uneducated Indian woman who suffered the torture of her husband in London, and later was forced to kill him. The movie is about her jail life and how at last she got justice and a new law was enacted saying that “getting continuous provocation from husband is also a solid motive for the crime” Thus, she is released from jail and became the voice of all such silent sufferers!

The link is the trailer of the movie. The full movie is also available in youtube. A MUST WATCH movie for all WOMEN and MEN

Bye for now..

P.S 1: We often hear of domestic violence stories from the lower strata of the economy but unfortunately, cases are increasing in the upper strata as well. Mostly hidden due to societal pressures. I will write about that in a later episode with real life examples!

P.S 2: Men wont change, We women need to change. We need to create a mindset in our children that the new world requires treating male and female equally. I read somewhere

“A man who treats his wife as a queen, can be brought up only by a queen!” .So, all mothers, try to develop this culture in your son..atleast in future , our daughters wont have to suffer!