The Express Train - Passenger Train Phenonmenon

“Malayali has to think fast in order to go ahead in this world. For that, he must have faster transport system. Only when Malayali starts travelling fast, can he think fast”  

 

These are the words of Mr.Sam Pitroda, who has assumed the role of the mentor of Kerala State. Well, true to a great extent. The average mallu thinks and acts slowly in most of the things, while the world travels much ahead. The reason is the lethargic attitude of mallu in all things. (in malayalam , "SAAA" way) Hence, no fast movement and fast action.

I would say, this fast thinking and acting starts right from our kitchen. Consider the case of a mother who acts fast, thinks fast and organizes the daily household matters fast. I am sure, her son/daughter will also be smarter in their school.

Don’t agree? Just look around, spot as many families as you can. Zoom in to the personality and smartness of the mother of that family. It doesn’t matter whether she is a homemaker or a career woman. The focus is on the speed, energy and enthusiasm of the mother. I am sure you can easily correlate it with the nature of the kids. Now, in some cases, you can find distinct differences in the kids based on the nature of the father as well. However, the point is that the mother’s spirit actually reflects on the kid to a greater extent.

There are some mothers who keep complaining that they always have works in the kitchen. If you closely watch them, you will understand that they spend their time lavishly or in other words, they take more than double the time required for doing the same otherwise. For eg: the way  they wash the basins , the way they cut the vegetables, the way they clean and clear, sweeping, swapping, setting , resetting – all  takes double the time than what’s actually required. Hence, in the process, they are always tired.

But some mothers, the smarter ones, they always have the enthusiasm in doing things. They finish their work faster and use their remaining time for more creative activities. We also find that some of such mothers become better entrepreneurs in future. We find that such mothers are able to provide their children the right guidance too and instill in them the capability of fast thinking- the quality what Sam Pitroda wants in mallus.

Well, as I said before, this quality is independent of whether the mother is a homemaker or is a working woman. Because, I have also seen many working women, who fall in the first category of “slow thinkers”

As always, I have name for  this phenomenon -

“Express Train and Passenger Train Phenomenon”

Footnote: It is aspired that by 2030, an express train will be connecting Trivandrum to Kannur in just one and half hours. Such an express way, will obviously change the way mallus travel, function and conduct business. However, the first express train has to be built in the mindset of the coming generation! – Take care !

Why this Kolaveri DA ?

How can a man raise his hands against his wife? How could he treat her like his servant or rather a victim to harass and enjoy..

He may have hundreds of reasons for loosing his temper.. but can it ever be a solid reason for such cruelty?

Do the men think that , just by showing their muscle power, they win an argument? How can a man win an argument if he can’t even control his own anger? How can a man think that he won an argument, when the female succumbs to his power show in physical, emotional and sexual manner?

I would say, this is the basic fault of our so called "conservative Indian culture". We Indians (or may be the Male Indians) have somehow created a submissive culture for the women- especially wife. I wonder why so? Doesn’t wife has an opinion? An idea? Or freedom of her own?

One Statistics : Attitudes towards domestic violence, Adolescents aged 15-19 who think that a husband is justified in hitting or beating his wife under certain circumstances (2002-2009*) is 57% in India. (Source: UNICEF website)

Wow, what interesting statistics.. I tried searching for similar statistics in other countries.. Such a statistics is not even available! (even for our neighbor Pakisthan)

I think, such a notion is “inbuilt” only in the hormones of our Male population…and hence such a survey question!  

In our so called “Indian Traditional” culture, we try to make Men- “the earning member of the family” as the top most authority- a powerful person who makes every decision , who decides when to eat, when to go out, when to laugh, when to cry, when to have sex, when to sleep …..

But, let me ask you one simple question? If you still believe that you are the powerful person- do you undertake the same responsibility, the same amount of care for the family members, the same amount of income that those “powerful men” had?

(No way, how can I? I still need my wife to make money , to make food, to sleep with and to look after my children.. )

In today’s scenario, its imperative that women are equally working for the family, equally (or more) qualified , equally talented and have the leadership qualities to run the family.

So ,Why this inequality when it  comes to treating wife as an equal partner? In giving her the respect, in not teasing her unnecessarily , in considering her wishes, in taking care of her needs, in doing small things for her, in helping her out in the kitchen?

Here is another statistics: According to United Nation Population Fund Report, around two-third of married Indian women are victims of domestic violence and as many as 70 per cent of married women in India between the age of 15 and 49 are victims of beating, rape or forced sex.

The most common causes for women stalking and battering include dissatisfaction with the dowry and exploiting women for more of it, arguing with the partner, refusing to have sex with him, neglecting children, going out of home without telling the partner, not cooking properly or on time, indulging in extra marital affairs, not looking after in-laws etc

In urban areas there are many more factors which lead to differences in the beginning and later take the shape of domestic violence. These include – more income of a working woman than her partner, her absence in the house till late night, abusing and neglecting in-laws, being more forward socially etc.

Though in law, there is a provision which supports women against “Domestic Violence” I would say, what we need is a law against pure violence or rather “UnDomestic Violence” as these men cannot be called with any better name than “Beast”!

 I dedicate this song "WHY THIS KOLAVERI DA?" to such Beasts!

Before I stop, I am reminded of watching the movie “Provoked” starring Aiswarya Rai – A brilliant film of an uneducated Indian woman who suffered the torture of her husband in London, and later was forced to kill him. The movie is about her jail life and how at last she got justice and a new law was enacted saying that “getting continuous provocation from husband is also a solid motive for the crime” Thus, she is released from jail and became the voice of all such silent sufferers!

The link is the trailer of the movie. The full movie is also available in youtube. A MUST WATCH movie for all WOMEN and MEN

Bye for now..

P.S 1: We often hear of domestic violence stories from the lower strata of the economy but unfortunately, cases are increasing in the upper strata as well. Mostly hidden due to societal pressures. I will write about that in a later episode with real life examples!

P.S 2: Men wont change, We women need to change. We need to create a mindset in our children that the new world requires treating male and female equally. I read somewhere

“A man who treats his wife as a queen, can be brought up only by a queen!” .So, all mothers, try to develop this culture in your son..atleast in future , our daughters wont have to suffer!

The “Dirty Picture” –err I mean The “Dirty Period”

Yesterday I was having a chat with one of my acquaintances – a madam whom I respect for her patience, team spirit and professional quality even at the age of fifty one. 

She narrated an incident about her own subordinate for whom she has put a lot of effort in training and development, who suddenly played some foul game. The subordinate without telling her superior, associated with another colleague in a different project. This incident actually made her very disturbed. Moreover, it seems this particular female subordinate was attracted to the above said male colleague (in some wrong ways!??) and hence she was behaving rude to her actual superior.  While she was letting out her frustrations to me, she told me some strange facts about relationships - especially marital relationships. I credit this to her fifty one years of experience including around 25 years of married life and would just like to put into writing her generalizations/observations. (Since I consider myself as an ardent feminist at times, mostly my blogs are against men, but this time its against both!...)

 

Most couples face a period of distress, usually after around initial period of married life (10-15yrs??). During this period, most husbands would feel infatuated towards another female and most wives would feel infatuated towards another male. (I said "most", not "all"...so dont shrink ur eyebrows!) During this period the couple tries to see only the bad qualities of the other and find all the good qualities in another person. This period is really a testing period for the marriage and it is during this time that there is highest chance of “psychological divorce” (?? a phenomenon in which the couples are emotionally and psychologically separated , but live together! i hope the name  is right).

As always, I would like to put a name for this PERIOD PHENOMENON –Thanks to the new movie name, I will call it “Marital Dirty Period”

FEMALE Dirty Period: Some females (especially working women) during this period feel attracted to their senior officers/co-workers. These females try to flirt around them in every chance. She will be utilizing every chance to compliment the capabilities/beauty of the man. She will mostly be found seated near this man or trying to sweet talk with him. She may dress carefully - careless, showing off her bumps, curves and clefts in front of this man. Some females will try to tell the bad qualities of her husband to this man and seeing her cry will melt the heart of the man. The poor guy will fall for this and ultimately put his own marital life into risk by having an affair with this female! In the case of housewives, this attraction may be diverted in worse directions and hence we hear of stories of females who elope with milkman, gas man, newspaper boy etc. 

MALE Dirty Period: Some men during this time will tend to feel attracted to a female, who in many terms be smarter, younger, charming or attractive than his wife. He may talk to her about his difficult situation of his wife’s illness or deteriorating health or nagging or loss of peace. The core reason behind these confessions may be that he is sexually not satisfied with his wife. In the process of getting the sympathy of this new friend, he may ultimately get sex. Such men are so adept in flirting around the target female and they both ultimately fall into a trap of illegal relationship. 

These kind of marital disturbances are very much possible in most marriages and if this period is crossed successfully, it can smoothly sail along till the death. One more observation – all these kind of infatuations last only for some time and ultimately the person realizes the real value of his/her partner and come back. 

Well, again, all these depend on the situation. In some cases, these disturbances can lead to legal divorce also. 

In the olden days of joint family, these kinds of incidents were less, because most people used to get solace by talking to other family members. But today, in nuclear families, this kind of emotional support is not available and hence, marriages are easy to break apart.

Recently I saw a short film about marriage and being a couple. The video in simple way tells the small things that the couple should do to each other in order to be perfect couple. The concept is actually from the famous book “Men are from mars, women from Venus”, but the picturisation is good.  

The basic factors of marital success: Mutual Respect, breathing space, along with small acts of love and kindness.

Watch and enjoy!

Bye for now…

P.S: My friend after reading this article , told me to add one more point: The period of “Marital Dirty Period” need not be after 10-15yrs.. it can even start right from the beginning of a marriage (even before marriage). It just depends on your moral values which really inflicts control in a person. If the person doesn’t have that, its very easy to have this “dirty period” at any time of the life!

The Great Mallu ‘Para’dox !

I was searching through the library racks to find an interesting book and suddenly the name “Games Indians Play” struck me. Its  a book written by V.Raghunathan and the subtitle actually made me more curious .It says “why we are the way we are” . Interesting! Why Indians are the way we are? Well, that’s what the author has told about in his book and if you are interested to read it, please find it out from the library rack (as I did) and read it ,boss!.

So, why are we the way we are? Hmm.. good question. Let me simplify it and focus it more towards ‘Mallus’. Well, it became more clear, this time! We, the great mallus have got a lot of reasons to be the way we are, my dear. Nobody in the world can beat a mallu in some things. You don’t believe?  Go out to the public and open all your senses ; yes the “panjendriyam” or the five senses  and you will get one or the other thing which makes mallus special . You can see, smell, hear ,feel and taste Mallu magic. Still not convinced? Come, let’s go out..and open our senses..

First sense –Eyes – go out to the public, you can see the greenery of the “God’s own country” , but along with it , you can see how we are so good at taking care of personal matters that we don’t mind spoiling public things for that sake. You can see atleast five men using the corner of the road as a toilet. You can see atleast ten people spitting on the sides of the road. You can see atleast fifty hoardings and notices which hides even an important signboard. You can see atleast one hundred holes on the  public roads and more so in the bridges for whom toll is being levied for decades together! You can see how people push each other in a mad rush to get inside a city bus during peak hours, but at the same time wait patiently in a  long queue in front of the beverages corporation!

Second sense – Ears – You can hear the loud and variety ‘reality show’ music , but this comes from the City buses and other vehicles as a strategy for competing with each other. The funniest part is that there is no end to the “horning syndrome” even at 2 am at night or near hospitals and schools! Go to the market , you can hear the exotic language and communication methods followed by the vendors ,which will make you feel, “oh my god, why didn’t god make me deaf!” Along with this, you also end up hearing news- yes the masala news, dear! Didn’t get it? Ask any of your mallu friend about the latest news na, he will tell you about the exact methodology and description of how a female was attacked by some mad men, who indulge in abusing women and taking them to various places.

Third sense – Smell – well, this I don’t have to explain right? , You know what I mean this time. We mallus are so adept in throwing the waste from our house to the neighbour’s plot or to the road ,such that ,every time we walk through the road , we have to close our two nostrils and gasp for fresh air! One more smelly thing- after dusk, go near any malayali man - you get a smell of alcohol-whether "naadan" or "foreign"

Fourth sense –Taste – hmm, yummy tasting mallu food is gone these days .We want only the imported food and fast food, which are high in calories. Gone are the days when Chicken was fried and served in a plate, now we want it in “buckets”, thanks to all the ultramodern MNC food courts! Ya, recently a survey made us on the topper list of having consumed the highest amount of meat products even during the Onam season! With this kind of a taste shift, soon mallus will top the list of lifestyle disorders and related diseases.  

Fifth Sense – touch and feel – We always want to touch and feel everything, especially when it’s written “do not touch”.. didn’t get it? Go to a museum dear and look around. Some are also highly interested to write their names or lover’s names or some crap even on historical monuments as well as our public transport. But some mallus are also good at touching and feeling something which they are not supposed to ..err for eg , while travelling in a bus every man would like to touch and feel some woman ( well, did I say something bad?)

Sixth sense : We mallus also have something called the Sixth sense. That’s what I call by the name “Para” and it is a very important terminology in the vocabulary of an ordinary mallu. He has stories of either how he made life difficult for others or about how life was made difficult by others for him. This specific phenomenon is what I call the “Mallu ‘Para’dox”

Footnote: Well, on second thoughts, I even think I shouldn’t limit this article to just “Mallus” and its equally applicable to all Indians! As the saying goes ,”All Indians are my brothers and sisters..” and hence I dedicate this article to all of them..to think ,to feel and to act sensibly!