Are you an Actor who leaves half stage?

Some time back I happened to attend the funeral function of one of my neighbor. It was an early and untimely death. He was only forty five years old and the father of two children of seventeen and fifteen years of age. The death was predicted by doctor one week back, as he was critically ill and was hospitalized in the ICU. But the whole episode of the bereavement was however unpredicted and a totally unwanted visitor for the family. When the news of the death came, I went to meet his wife and children .The wife was tired of crying and when I tried to console her, she said,  “This vacation we were planning for a family tour. He was just back after an official tour, but suddenly fell ill and was hospitalized”. Her mother –in-law, couldn’t stop her tears and told me, “He is the one who has to do my last rituals, but..”. I couldn’t find words to console the children. For them, their daddy was the best.

The travel to cemetery gave me some time to think about death. I kept thinking about the family. My thoughts forced to put myself in the shoes of the wife who just lost her husband. The pain and agony was immense. With lots of responsibilities ahead, the wife who do not have a job or other source of income, just appeared shattered. Probably there may not be much financial difficulty for a few, but the vacuum created by the absence of one’s husband would be terrible.

The bus stopped and everyone stepped out to the cemetery. This was the first time I was stepping into a cemetery. Seeing so many graves around, I was feeling a bit nervous and a bit scared. The fear was not because of any filmy influence but because of the fact that we all have to come to this place one day.

 Is life a travel to this destination? If life is a travel and the destination is fixed, what changes is the time of reaching the destination, right? Yes, “Time” is the only factor changing per person. Some people get longer time, others shorter.

Do we have any control over this time? Though we can put the blame on God or say it in nice words, that, “God takes his beloved people earlier”, the fact is that we DO have some responsibility towards our life.

Some men fulfill their responsibility, others do not. Some husbands do their duty, others may not. Some fathers will be there for their children, while others leave them half way. Why? Is it because such fathers think only about their temporary happiness? Or is it because such men do not plan for the future? Or is it because such husbands do not empower their wives?

Whatever be the reason, Can we ever LOVE an ACTOR who leaves the stage before the SHOW gets over? 

Foot note: Stories of wives who are devastated because of untimely death of their husbands are increasing in our society. The man quoted was an alcoholic and died due to liver Cirrhosis. Who should be blamed for the situation? The habit of alcohol consumption? Or the man who did not empower his wife? Or the Government which gets the highest revenue from sale of alcohol? If you are a husband and you consume alcohol, why don’t you consider yourself as your wife for a moment and think about this situation? If you are yet to become a husband, take a pledge against alcoholism today and secure the future of you and your family.  

XXL Mania

Why do mallus have this special affiliation towards everything of big size?- a question which frequents my mind. Some days back I happened to participate in a housewarming function of one of my acquaintances. An architectural marvel (I can’t call it a “house” anyway!), standing in a huge compound of more than twenty cents in the midst of the city. Furnished in the ultra modern fashion (each room with its own theme) , the owner was eloquent on the fittings which he carefully imported from various parts of the world. One message he wanted to give to the world is that his is the biggest and the best house in the locality.

I would like to call this phenomenon as the “XXL Mania” and this mania is evident not just in the case of a house. An average mallu wants his car to be “big and luxurious”, he wants to work in a “big” MNC, he wants to shop from a “big” mall, he wants to eat from a “big” restaurant, his kids should study in a “big” school and the list goes on.

But on the contrary he can’t change his attitude which still remains “small”. He cannot accept when his neighbor gets a “bigger” car, when his neighbour’s son gets admission in a “bigger” school or when his neighbour’s wife is beautiful. In such cases, he finds out reasons to spread rumors. When it comes to spreading rumours, nobody can beat a mallu male, who thinks everyone other than his wife is bad (in some cases, including his wife)! His attitude towards his own wife can sometimes be described as “Zero size”. He feels it unacceptable, when his wife has a male friend, when his wife reaches a higher position than himself, when his wife wins an argument, when his wife is good looking than himself or when his wife has disposable income. (I know, what you are thinking about! - Its not about Manoj( my husband) .. But i know many cases like these..ok?)

Though in such cases his mind is “zero size”, his preference for XXL is evident in the selection of his wife – Ya, she should be of good height and weight and from a “Big” family!  

I remember my recent visit to some remote rural parts of the country- a visit to the real rural India. A real rural India where having three meals a day is a luxury, where having a cot and mattress to sleep is luxury, where having more than two dresses is luxury, where you don’t find a bakery with varieties of muffins, doughnuts and burgers, where you can’t find range for your blackberry or iphone, where you have to wait in queue for accessing internet, where you can’t get all the cokes and pepsi when you feel thirsty-the list goes on. But one thing I could easily find there. Ya, you guessed it right- Smiling faces. The smile that sends a special message –saying that “I care for you”, “I am happy you are here” and ”Have a share of my food”. Those faces had nothing much to say about themselves, nothing great to achieve, never worried about inflation or insurance! These people find happiness in melas, small festivals and group parties.

The men never marry from “big” families -of course, the reason here is different. These adivasi men have to give money to the girl’s family in return for marriage. The reason is simple; the girl is the one who will win bread for the family. She will toil in the fields or go out for working early in the morning till late night. For them, when a girl comes to a family, that family is uplifted. Though this “upliftment” factor is correct in our mallu society, the concept of “bride money” is not here. The average mallu man wants the highest possible dowry-even when the girl is highly educated and earns on her own!

Oh! What a contradiction I feel! On one side , when the mallu wants everything of XXL size , his mind is shrinking to zero size! On the other side, when the rural man wants nothing, his mind is expanding to XXL size! A mind which accepts a female as an equal partner, a mind that finds happiness in small things,a mind which loves and cares for fellow beings!

1. I had got an opportunity to visit some adivasi villages in the naxal hit areas of Jagdalpur ,Chattisgarh. The lives of the people there was so simple and adorable that it made me think for some time, that what a luxury we are living in. Of course, with limited financial

resources and unlimited land resources, these people lead a very simple lifestyle, eating what they sow and reap. The care and concern for their fellow beings is what made me surprised. Yes, they have a XXL heart!

2. My comments about malayali men is generalized and has exemptions.(it may include you too !) 

(this article was published in a newsmagazine six months back)

Facing the Book or Facebooking?

“Hey, guess what, I have five hundred friends in my FB! And you know what, my latest photo got three hundred and twenty three likes” - a typical comment of a campus organism these days. Now, this put me thinking for a while.. (Well, I think crazy these days, especially because I have to write something for this column! You got it?)

Opened my laptop and searched for the words –“Facebook addiction”. Lo, here comes a Pandora of information related to Facebook Addiction Disorder (in short F.A.D). Articles titled “ Six ways to quit FB addiction”, “Eight symptoms of FB addiction” etc came in the first page of my googling. Oh! Some new businesses are also thriving just because of this F.A.D! For eg: “Psychotherapy for FB addiction”, “Counseling service for FB de – addiction” etc are some of them!

The whole concept of Facebook or for that matter, any social networking sites is, in my opinion, exploitation of our basic human needs. Abraham Maslow (one famous psychologist, dear!) divided the whole human needs into five levels in the form of a pyramid – starting from the basic physiological needs (eating ,clothing, sleeping!) , then safety needs , then social needs , later self esteem needs and finally on top of the pyramid comes self actualization needs. Well, you got the point? I mean to say that all these social networking sites are huge businesses thriving on our social need and to some extent self esteem and self actualization needs.

We, human beings are social animals and no one can change that right? So, why not cash in with that need? If you observe closely on all the special features of these social networking sites, you will find that each of them caters to some kind of the above listed needs! For eg: the various games, apps, family tree, chat options, likes, dislikes, scraps, comments etc. But unfortunately, we, the poor victims fall prey for it and end up talking to our closest friend also through these sites! We stop the real talking and only send scraps. We upload photos and keep counting the number of likes and dislikes. We post some opinion and wait for counter opinion. All at the cost of the most precious resource at our hand –“Time”! In the process, we actually lose contact with real people and live in a utopian unreal world called “my profile”. 

But these are all theories, practically everyone these days are on Facebook or similar sites ( Yes, I’ve got one too!). As with every phenomenon, there is a good side and bad side. When things shift to the bad side, there comes the problem. So, guys, think and spend your time wisely. Otherwise you will end up becoming a client of some new business!

Footnote: A recent study conducted among American school students proves that those who are always connected to Facebook (through laptop or mobiles) perform less in academics. The addiction can also lead to depression and similar psychological disorders at a later stage.

Eureka! – I found it!

Last day, as I was strolling through the shopping shelves of one of the premium malls of the city , I bumped into  a small girl aged around 12 years.  She immediately moved away from me with a reticent facial expression, holding the trolley full of purchased goods. Though her face was simple, I felt somehow her attire did not suit her face.  She wore a green frock- like top and also a black  pants, which was only knee length. She wore a white sneaker shoes which was not at all matching her dress and  which I later noted was  slightly bigger than her legs. She also had a blue necklace made of plastic beads , which again never  matched with her dress . Her hairstyle was simple, with just a rubber band to hold her hair in place.

Now, you must be wondering how I could observe all this at one go!  Well, after my initial bump with her, unknowingly my eyes followed her.  (Now, you know one reason why my husband always complains that I take too much time when shopping!) Well, its just that I felt, the girl was someone different. Yes, there was something really different about her. 

Later when I was billing my purchases, my eyes searched for her. I found her along with a good looking gentleman, a lady and two other kids -one boy around the age of 4 years and a girl around 10 years. I looked closely at the family. Appears to be a small and happy family, who seems to be abundant also ! All their heavy purchasing showed it. I stretched my eyes to get more closer glimpse of them. Luckily they came to the billing section and stood in a counter next to mine. Taking this as a chance I smiled at the girl, who is the heroine of this story. She tried to smile but suddenly hurried to push her trolley and was placing the items on the billing table. The gentleman and lady was busy controlling their young kid – the boy who was creating the tantrum for a chocolate. This time I noted one more thing- the two kids were fair and was wearing the latest fashioned clothes , while “the girl” was medium coloured and wore a dress which was fashionable but out of size!

The girl in the meantime got the groceries billed and looked at the gentleman and said , “Sir ji , paisa de dijiye”. The gentleman stared at her and said with a stern voice, “Maine bola hai thujse ,bahar aane samay  kuch nai bolna ” . He then turned to the salesman and settled the bill. He then told her wife in Malayalam in a hushed voice, “I have told you several times to teach her all this. Otherwise it can become a problem”

“Maam, are you paying by cash or card?”, asked  the counter salesman to me .I returned my gaze to my billing process and settled the payment. Moving the trolley I came out of the glass door of the mall. I slowly turned back to see what the girl is doing. She was pushing the trolley out of the glass door towards the lift.

This time, I got many of the answers for my mind’s questions. Why did she wear a green top and a pant which was not her size? – Because those were not hers ! Why did she wear a sneaker shoes along with this dress? –Because she was given only that!  Why did the girl handle the trolley ? –Because she has to do it! Why was the girl not as fair as the other two kids? – Because the girl did not belong to that family! Why did the girl never talk anything? –Because she was told not to open her mouth! Why did the girl never smiled at me when I smiled at her? – Because she has forgotten how to smile!

CeeVee ‘s comment :  Isn’t it a shame that, in the so called well educated families we find such cases of Child labour? Why do educated people indulge in such crimes?  Is there any mechanism to identify such hidden cases of child labour? Can you do something? 

Quickening of a Baby

This day I felt a new beginning

A feeling for the first time

A new awakening, a new movement

This day I understood
How significant you are
How intimate you are!


This day I realized
Even when you are still in womb
You made your presence felt

This day I am rejoicing

About the future you promise

About the dreams you will fulfill

This day I’m thrilled

That soon I’ll see you bloom

That you’ll spread your fragrance everywhere


This day I imagine
A world which will follow your footsteps
A tomorrow that is bright and sunshine


You are my passion You are my destiny

You are my child; I’m your mother

(Poem written when I was carrying my first Baby - Mythili and I first felt her presence in my womb)