My Birthday Wish!

I never thought I was beautiful when I was a teenager. Society around me teased me about being dark skinned. They said, “ who  will marry a dark skinned girl?” . They said “Fair is beautiful. Try applying some fairness cream” . They also told my parents, “Your daughters are dark. Save more money for dowry” . Having heard this during my teenage and early adult hood , I developed lower self-esteem and even thought that I won’t make it big in life. But my mother kept telling me, “Beauty is not about external appearance. But about what you do to the society with your capabilities and talents and leave a legacy as an individual”. I then started focusing on my strengths – my communication skills, my social cognition, my leadership and my optimism.  I worked hard and improved my knowledge base. However, my self- esteem was still lower and I used to shiver whenever I was on stage until a few years back. It was only after I entered my 30s, I developed confidence to even look in the mirror and accept my beauty. After 35, the acceptance went to next level – admiration. Today as I complete 37yrs , I feel I have become more beautiful than I was when I was ten or fifteen years back during my prime youth.   Yes, according to me a woman becomes more and more beautiful as she ages and as she fulfills her life’s purposes.

From time immemorial, women have been a thing of beauty. Many wars have been fought, many lives sabotaged – all for the beauty of a woman. We always heard of the most beautiful angels in fairy tales who took men by storm by their looks. But we also heard stories of valiant queens who ruled their state with their wisdom and intellectual prominence. However, most of these valiant queens became non-existent as time passed and societal expectations of a woman started shifting towards external appearance and stereotypical roles of motherhood and wifehood. We conveniently forgot the bold and beautiful and focused only on the external appearance of a woman. Society tried to instill lower self -esteem in women who were not falling into the beauty norms. Thus came the big growth in beauty and fashion industry. Today, beauty and fashion is a billion dollar industry surviving on just one thing – the lower self- esteem of women. Today's women are bound so much by the need to appear "beautiful" in front of everyone that she forgets about her true self. 

It is in the past two centuries that women have been reduced to a minuscule being to be within the four walls of the kitchen and anyone who tried to shift base was stoned at as an outcast from society. Society tried to character assassinate them. Even women around asked, “Why can’t she follow rules of the society and stay home?” A few of them broke those stereotypes and realized their dreams and potentials. Thus we did have some strange characters who shook the society and said, “We are the real beauties “

Recently I was fortunate to participate in a beauty pageant which was promoted as “redefining beauty concepts”. And I met many super talented women out there who had a great personality and were extremely beautiful and unique. Though the pageant was intended to redefine beauty, the assessment criteria was more about physical features and poise than the intellectual or personality aspects. And once again, the society tried to reinforce the concept of a woman’s beauty to physical features.  I appreciate the organizers for the brilliant initiative to redefine concepts of a woman’s beauty but also understand the difficulty in arriving at the standards of a woman’s real beauty.  And hence the easier option is to assess external beauty and their ramp walk style. Thus the winners were the best choice in terms of the stereotypical beauty norms that the society expects in a woman. 

However I am glad that when I stood on the ramp, I broke the stereotypical norms of beauty and probably inspired a few dark skinned girls out there to even try their luck in beauty peagents. Well, this is a universal phenomenon that girls who do not fit into the barbie doll norms of the society  undergo so much lower self esteem issues which takes years to overcome. Incidentally 90% of women think that they are not beautiful due to one reason or other. 

That's when I started thinking about a woman's beauty. When is a woman beautiful? Is it when she wears the costliest gowns or ornaments? Is it when she holds hands with her man and walks the aisle ? 

I think a woman's most beautiful ornament is her SMILE. Thus my concept of a woman’s beauty is her SMILE… And this smile varies in various contexts. And we find the real beauty of a woman in each of these situations. 

• ·         When she is able to understand and accepts her strengths and weaknesses
• ·         When she finds a purpose for her life and strives hard to achieve it
• ·         When she impacts the lives of people around with her capabilities.
• ·         When she mesmerizes her man with her inner beauty and glow
• ·         When she is carrying her baby in her womb despite all the pains of pregnancy.
• ·         When she feeds her baby despite knowing that she is losing the firmness of her breast.
• ·         When she watches the stripes on her body caused by pregnancy and feels proud.
• ·         When she looks at her own aging body and the grey hairs with happiness
• ·         When she cheers up a friend who is having a rough time
• ·         When she extends an arm to someone who needs help.
• ·         When she volunteers for causes beyond her family
• ·         When she is bold enough to speak for herself and for others
• ·         When she is angry about injustice around her
• ·         When she is happy about her goal achievement
• ·         When  she is thrilled about her ambitions
• ·         When she is at peace with her surroundings
• ·         When she comes out as a phoenix after her struggles
• ·         When she fights for her rights
• ·         When she leads a team towards success
• ·         When she is content about her present moment
• ·         When she fails and then decides not to quit
• ·         When she proves her worth to the world
• ·         When she feels healthy despite her ailments
• ·         When she dreams about her big future.
• ·         When she pursues her career on her terms and not on other’s terms.
• ·         When she falls in passionate love with someone
• ·         When she spreads happiness and  confidence to others around her
• ·         When she is ready to face any challenges head on
• ·         When she accepts her being alone
• ·         When she travels alone without worrying about what others say
• ·         When she takes a stand for what she believes is right.
• ·         When she feels respected by her man
• ·         When she feels accepted / appreciated by her society and people around.
• ·         When she can freely believe in a philosophy which she wishes to
• ·         When she enjoys financial freedom
• ·         When she is not judged by people around.
• ·         When she cares for others beyond their expectations.
• ·         When she is able to live a life on her terms.
• ·         When she is able to take decisions for herself.
• ·         When she can be herself.
• ·         When she makes a mark in her chosen field with her capabilities and intellect.
• ·         When she helps another human with his/her life or ambition
• ·         When she nurtures her kids as true citizens of the nation.
• ·         When she inspires fellow human beings with her life and brings a smile on another’s face. 
• ·         And lastly, when she breaths the air of happiness during her death bed, rather than that of regret.

 In each of the above SMILEs lies a woman’s beauty. The Real beauty. But as a woman of this generation, most of the times this smile may not be feasible.

And I also understand – the above parameters are very difficult to measure. And to me, the most beautiful women are those who have completed at least 50% of the above list. :)

  

So, today as I celebrate my birthday, my wish for myself is to become the “Most beautiful woman in the world” in the next 20 years!

Wish me ladies and gentlemen! :) 

And yes, dear society   are you really ready to redefine the beauty norms of a woman? I know its hard. Just try. Its worth it. You will get many more women of worth than what you have now. :) 

P.S: Well, for people who think I am asking for too much, just replace “she” with “he” in those statements that are applicable for a man. Then my wish will appear normal.