Happy Humans

I recently had an interesting conversation with a young male friend. We spoke for hours on technology, life,  purpose, innovations and society. We shared our perspectives on incidents, people and trends.  It was nearly 2 hours and then suddenly I realised that it was time to leave. But we both did feel incomplete at the end. It was a feeling of not being able to finish sharing all our ideas and that there was more to be given and received. After the conversation, I felt joyful and positive. We were receptive and open to each other's ideas and even had  contradicted arguments in between. During the conversation he also mentioned that he found it interesting to have an intellectual chat with a woman.  I was surprised at that note.  Why? 

In our society, right from childhood, thanks to gender stereotyping, we are used to getting segregated to groups within one's own gender.  For eg: Girls tend to gang up only  with girls and boys with only the boys.  Very rarely we had friendships with boys and girls together.  Well, this led to more distorted gender views and most of our patriarchal and feminist viewpoints emerged out of this. Look around, most men have an immediate male friends group with whom they get to hang out,  explore their ideas and also are comfortable sharing their worries.  Women mostly are expected to have this circle of friends within their family and relations and hence many of them lose their school / college friends.  Men in our society also rarely engage in intellectual talks with women friends unless its part of their professional /organizational requirements.  They would normally pursue a female friendship if they are romantically inclined and opt to have the "intellectual conversations" with male friends.  Thanks to the skewed gender norms, even if they wish to have a platonic relationship, the society around tries to place the romantic relationship burden on the friendship.  

This skewed gender norms end up with men extending unwanted sexual retorts or advances even during professional interactions. As a woman entrepreneur, I have received various messages from men commenting about my profile picture even when I forward  an information or marketing material.  I always wonder whether the same men will comment that way for their male friends' forward messages. Probably they will comment about the message first and then later in the conversation about  their picture or even  completely ignore such talks. (Or Could it be because they may be judged as gay if they say "You look handsome" to a man and they may be considered cool when they say, "You are gorgeous" to a woman? ) 

Unfortunately, men in our society are not trained on how to express appreciation to a lady without offending her initially. And women in our society are expected and trained to accept even offensive comments with a smile.  Even during professional conversations in groups, men have commented silly about the color of my saree, my skin or my lipstick when they can compliment it more politely.  Of course such comments may be passed on because they have been so tuned from younger days to look at a woman's body and attire first than her mind or ideas. 

The current generation of teens and young adults tend to have much better relationships with the opposite gender compared to the previous generations. They are receptive to each other's ideas.  However we still have to go a long way considering the fact that we have so much of #MeToo stories everywhere. A recent news report about  some school kids sending vulgar/sexualized  messages /rape threats about their own classmates was shocking not just for the parents but for everyone.  Over exposure to sexual content,  objectification and distorted peer pressure abstaining interactions with other gender could lead to worse repercussions.  

One way to counter these issues is to nurture and foster friendly relationships among boys and girls, men and women in all walks of life.  In schools and colleges let us stop having separate benches and desks for girls and boys. In workplaces and boardrooms let us have more women share their ideas. In social interactions/ parties let's not have separate groups for women and men. 

As a society we need intellectual, emotional, philosophical and deep conversations with people despite their genders. The gender norms many times denies the opportunities to have such conversations and we end up losing on great collaborations and outcomes for the world.  

And in life, we need to have deep friendships and deeper relationships with whom we can share our vulnerabilities, our ideas, our passions etc whichever gender they are.  Married couples end up frustrated when they are expected to have all these from each other. Practically speaking, I have realized that we cannot expect every kind of relationship needs to be fulfilled  from one person. So, as a human being,  we may need some people for catering to our emotional needs, some others for intellectual and some others for physical needs and sexual needs.  Our traditional society tried to put the burden of having all the relationship needs put on few ties named as "marriage" or "family".  Sometimes I wonder, are these unfulfilled relationship needs the reasons behind the rising incidents of extramarital affairs? Considering the  rising number of these cases, the above theory could prove right.
Now, its time to have more egalitarian viewpoints and realise the folly in the olden ways.
We need to compartmentalise our relationship needs. Keeping aside sexual relationships as personal preferences, we as human beings need to have relationships and conversations with people of different age, gender and profiles. Some days we ought to hangout with children, some days with older men, older women and some days with younger men, younger women and some days with people of same profession or age. I am sure this will improve  our social quotient and social intelligence.  

And guess what, a 75 year long Harvard study proved that having solid friendships is in fact a key aspect of a happy life.   

Let us lead a happy and fulfilled life instead of a grumpy and dissatisfied one ! Have great friendships and collaborations across barriers of gender, race, ethnicity or culture. Let us become happy humans.  

#CeeVee 
January 2020 

P.S: This article may be viewed as contradictory to what I am doing currently at Prayaana - Forming women/girls self help groups. Well,  that's a need specifically for economic empowerment and professional development.  What I wrote above is about wholesome development of an individual - both men and women. 😃 

References: 
1.Read about the Harvard Study on Health and Happiness
2.Read about the School kids rape threat news 

2020 – The fancy year!

As the New Year dawns, we refresh our lives with fresh hopes and fresh dreams leaving behind the worries and failures of previous year. Those just remain as something in the past, all we have now is the present. The present day, the present moment

What are some good things we can do this New Year to make the year Fancy?

Tip # 1

"Exploration is the Key to imagination and all pursuits of worth. Explore more in 2020”

When I say Exploration, it doesn't mean just travelling around or exploring places. It could be exploring ideas, people, minds and even yourself. Exploring to know more, exploring to dwelve into details, exploring to understand, exploring to excite, exploring to be wowed, exploring to gain insights. And each of these explorations lead to more imagination, these imaginations thereby lead you to newer thoughts, conclusions and visions. And each new vision leads you to newer pursuits of worth.

Tip #2

“A Smile is worth millions when it is from the heart and not just on the lips. Smile more in 2020”

We have heard that the most brilliant smiles come from the most pained hearts.
Smiling is a capability of very few species in the world and homosapiens are one of them.
But unfortunately, we forget to smile despite the immense opportunities that we have in our lives. Also it takes efforts to smile from our heart and not just putting up a fake smile on our lips. Faking is quite easy. Original is difficult.
To have an original smile, we need to love ourselves first and love the people and situations that we are in.

Tip #3

“Silence is the mother of all communications. Enjoy the power of Silence in 2020”

Last year, one of the significant transformative experience I underwent was being in silent meditation for days. This experience was hitherto unimaginable for someone who is used to keep chattering day in day out.But soon after the experience of deep meditation and silence, I realised the power of slient communication. Silence gives you time for internal communication and thereby finding answers for most pressing questions.
Meditation enables finding of your own self, your happiness, your love, your priorities and everything that you want your life to be.

Tip #4

“Love is the easiest route to find beauty in whatever you imagine, you want and you do. Love more in 2020”

When you are in love, you find beauty in everything that's around. Well, every teenager and adult have gone through this feeling. And when you love, you imagine all great things, you are the heights of optimism and you are sure of the power of love. You find beauty even in the mundane activities in your life. You enjoy doing and wanting for the best in your life.

What if, you transform this love to your own life rather than on someone else? What if you love your work, your vision and ideas the same way as you fall in love with a person? Suddenly you find even the most difficult tasks associated with it as easy and beautiful. You become optimistic, you await the fruits of your labour.

Well, love is that secret ingredient that adds beauty to everything you imagine, want and you do in life. Add love and see the magic. 

Tip #5

“Birth is the biggest blessing that we have got. Live more in 2020 “

While we forget to live it every moment, we should realise that our life is precious. Most of us forget to live while we are alive.

Tip #6

“Courage is not just questioning what exists but also implementing what must be. Be more courageous this 2020”

Courage is a quality that differentiates leaders from losers. Being courageous about your perspectives and opinions is easy. Infact, in today's world of social media power, every person seem to be courageous and bold to share their opinions publicly. However, I would define courage slightly different. For me, a courageous person is someone who takes action to make a difference in what she wish to. She is courageous not just in speaking but also in doing. She is courageous in taking decisions that matter for her or others. She is courageous to stand up against something which is not right. She is courageous to implement an alternate system or idea because she thinks the existing one needs a change. She is courageous enough to give priority to her happiness over others' expectations.

Tip #7

“Appreciation of another’s talents or capabilities means that you are sure of your own. Appreciate more in 2020”

One resolution that we can take this new year is to accept, appreciate and encourage another person's capabilities or talents wholeheartedly. As human beings we are psychologically tuned to want for appreciation and acceptance from others. However right from childhood we end up receiving blind criticisms, rejections and naysays. And this leads to an adulthood of doubts, worries and low self esteem. I don't intend to say criticisms are bad. All criticisms which are specific and to the action/behavior is worth listening to. However blanket criticisms about the person or character is of no worth to the receiver. We end up devastated listening to such criticisms. For eg: One common comment we hear from our family or friends at times is "You are good for nothing" ( think of the various local language dialogues). This one dialogue can be devastating to the receiver- May not be immediately but in the long run. Instead if we stick to specific criticisms it makes more sense and doesn't spoil the relationship as well. For eg: The way you did the presentation today was not upto the mark. Or Why did you behave in this manner today?

So, this new year let us take a resolution to accept and appreciate the talents of another instead of blind criticisms. And you know something? I believe that only a person who is sure of one's own talents can do that effectively and wholeheartedly.

Tip #8

“Habits defines us. Instil habits of growth, happiness and fulfilment. Instil more good habits this 2020”

We human beings are ultimately victims of habits. Why did I say "Victims"? Coz most victims cannot control what’s happening to them. Yes, our habits are those that define us. Habits decide our future, our present. Many of us have habits which have no reason at all. But when we consciously choose and define our habits, these habits lead our life. For eg: If we are habituated in watching TV after coming home from work, we will continue doing the same even if the shows that we enjoyed are not available. We simply keep watching until we find another show to keep us engaged. if we are habituated in reading books, we seek books every time. If we are habituated to be happy every day, we continue to be happy. If we are habituated to be active, we keep doing things and cannot think of being idle.  The choice is ours. Identify and choose the habits that matter for you and your life ahead. Psychologists say that we need 21 days of practice for something to become a habit. I say, it begins with awareness and decisions. If we decide, a new good habit can be instilled instead of an old bad habit. Try instilling new habits for yourself. Habits of happiness, growth and fulfilment.

Tip #9

“You, Your Time, Your Talents, Your ideas and Your character is of no use unless it is given away for a purpose . Give more in 2020 “

"What is the purpose of my birth?" The one question that every human being goes through atleast once in our life. We ask this question to ourselves but not many seek to find answers earnestly. We are happy not to go behind tough questions. Infact this question is so tough that we may never find the right answer during our lifetime! However, if we can try to find out some hints as the answers, it does make things easier. One hint is that a person with a life purpose does things which have meaning not just in their lives but also brings meanings to others lives. Ultimately the happiest person is the one who finds happiness in bringing smiles on another. Now, this doesn't mean that all of us join some religious or spiritual groups or charity groups. It simply could mean that we are able to give ourselves more for things that matter to the society /world. It means that our talents and capabilities are NOT used for harmful or unethical purposes. It just means that we, our character, our life stands for a purpose beyond our basic needs or our family needs. Its easily said than done. But this is worth it.

In 2020, give more of yourself for some purpose than just exchanging your time just for money or personal needs

Tip#10

Nature is the only healer of all illness and the nurturer of all creativity that ever exists. Be one with nature in 2020

Make it a point this new year, to be one with nature. Not just one with nature, but also protect our nature in all possible ways. Protection also means several ways including sustainable living, recycling and helping preserve natural resources. It begins in small steps. It begins with each of us. Coz, as human beings we owe to the next generation. We need to give our natural luxuries to our children. For we need to give them their share of health and creativity.

Be natural. Be with nature. Be creative. Be wholesome. This new decade.

Hope the year turns out to be as fancy as the numbers appear as well.  This is our wish and dream. Wishing all our readers a Very Happy New Year 2020!

#CeeVee