THE METAMORPHOSIS

 2020 has been a historical year. Decades or centuries ahead, this year will be in the storybooks and scientific records as a year that transformed the world. It has shaken the world to evolve into something new. The “new normal” as we call it, will probably be a “better normal” years down the lane. This year has given us pains, struggles, worries, uncertainties and all kinds of fears which has left some scars deep down in our minds. Yet, this year, helped us learn the joy of giving, the joy of being together, the joy of learning, the joy of realising the things which matter most, the joy of technology, the joy of video-calling, the joy of missing someone, the joy of celebrations by oneself, the joy of frugal living, the joy of sustainability, the joy of reduced carbon emissions, the joy of working from home, the joy of realising our potentials, the joy of understanding our priorities in life, the joy of being healthy, the joy of cherishing each moment, the joy of doing something which we wanted to do and the list goes on!

Looking at our pains, accepting it and then evolving into something you never thought of before, is something mind-blowing for anyone. For me, this year has been painful, with a lot of personal struggles, doubts, lack of clarity, humiliations, rejections, uncertainties in life and career, chaos, losing relationships, taking bold decisions etc. However, after each episode of immense pain and crying, I evolved out stronger. I come out with a new idea about how to change this for something better- not just for me but for many who face similar things in life.

2020 has been a year where my entrepreneurial potentials were realised in a more effective manner with the launch of various new initiatives. I am so grateful to all the pains and rejections that  I faced which helped me do all these!

The SheSight Magazine, launched in March 2020 ( after over three years of a rudimentary newsletter named Insight)  is now a global magazine and has evolved as a full-fledged digital magazine. The Pracol.com e-commerce which got stuck during March due to management and technological issues got re-launched by October and is making great traction in just a couple of months. The events which got stopped due to Lockdown is now full-on with various online events with 1000s of people attending instead of the tens and hundreds who were attending previously. The employees who left me last year because I couldn’t pay salary on time is now replaced with 100s of Prayaana Fellows and Volunteers who work day in – day out to lead the various initiatives of the organisation. The launch of C2CMission2021, the Nationwide Youth Utsav, the onboarding of amazing set of Women mentors and leaders to contribute to Prayaana, the launch of various Prayaana Startups etc are just some of the milestones this year. These are not just achievements for me, but also is a testimonial of what women can do when they come together in the right environment!  And on a personal front, I also got my PhD degree awarded and the lockdown helped me complete few International Certifications. This year also helped me come up with some new initiatives for 2021 which will be launched as it evolves. The prominent ones are Prayaana Saheli Spaces, Prayaana InvestHERs, Re-launch of SheSpeakers, Prayaana digital services and the Prayaana Future Skills Academy which are all the plans for 2021. All these initiatives will further employ women and provide them with a career upliftment and opportunity to excel. My Vision for 2021 is to provide career opportunities to at least 2000 women/girls in Prayaana either as a freelancer or as a full-timer. I know, it's audacious. But let it be!

As a closing remark, my heartfelt gratitude to the year 2020 to helping me transform to a butterfly as I have written in this poem. I dedicate this poem to all women and men who undergo a painful transformation and realise their new realm and potentials.

                                                                                  Pic courtesy-Ashley Longshore

The Metamorphosis

Once I was a caterpillar

Crawling around leaves

All my life spent chewing

What I found around

I ate well, I crawled more

I met another, we inched on

Until one day, I couldn’t move

Something clogged me

I wriggled, I squirmed!

The more I moved,

the less I could move.

I got manacled by myself.

“You are doomed”,

“Death is inevitable”

“You can’t crawl now”

Said the others!

I remained silent

I cocooned myself

Yet, I strived within

I laboured beyond.

The same chains which

I bound around me once

The same web of limits

once was a comfort zone;

I tore apart those chains

I shattered the ceilings

I peeped out from my shell

The sunlight just shone

And I breathed again.

Ah! I am alive!

I didn’t die as others said.

Yes! I am back.

Oh! I look different

I feel different.

What just happened?

I grew wings!

I now fly, I see things,

That I have never seen.

Leaves are no more my abode

The sky is where I stride.

Metamorphosis

From the lone me

To the striving me

To the woman with wings!

Yes, a transformed woman

gets wings of a butterfly

And as she flies high,

She gathers nectars

And gives birth to legacies

That nurture and nourish

Living beings of the earth!

Thank you Universe for a Great 2020,

Cheers and Prayers for a Greater 2021.

#CeeVee

Women Entrepreneurship- The Panacea for all Evils

 Oh well, the title may sound a bit too exaggerated but sometimes it does help to get the attention!

In this edition, I would like to bring your attention to the importance of promoting women entrepreneurship among qualified women in our country.

In 2018, I met Ms.Indulekha for the first time when she came as a trainee for our C2C (Comeback 2 Career) Fellowship training program. She was found to be a bit timid, yet someone who kept chattering mostly about her husband and her kids during the entire workshop period. Yes, they were her world and are still. However, today if you speak to her, she will also talk about the pricing of products, the profitability of a business and the e-commerce potentials of her business. She thoroughly enjoys her indoor plants business – “Plants Interio” which she set up after the training in 2018. What makes this business special is the fact that she has never done any business nor any job before!

Ms.Indulekha

espite having got a Post-graduation qualification, she ended up being a housewife to tender to the needs of the family for 17 Years. Yesterday when I spoke to her, she was thrilled in conveying to me that she is setting up her second retail outlet of Plants Interio at a premium mall that’s coming up in Trivandrum.

Fast forward to March 2019, I was the lead faculty for a Women Entrepreneurship workshop named Startup Maza. Ms.Sarumathi was a participant who was a Tamilian and a BTech holder who got settled in Kochi due to her husband’s IT job. She was found to be enthusiastic and despite the language barriers, she networked well with all participants. She wanted to be an entrepreneur but did not have much idea about how to sell or launch a brand. She tried selling garments online and was not sure how to launch it as a proper business. After the workshop, she identified her niche – cotton and Linen materials. She launched her brand, LabelSSarumathi focusing on sustainable and natural dye-based garments and fabrics. Today, she sells her brand through multiple channels between Kerala and Tamilnadu. Apart from her brand, she is also leading the Operations of Pracol.com and is a busy girl throughout the day and night!

 Ms,Sarumathi 

Well, these are not examples of celebrated entrepreneurs yet who gets invited to speaking at premium Women Entrepreneurship Summits or Award Nights where the same women keep getting awards for their enterprises which was built by their husband or family every year! These are women who started something from scratch, out of passion and the will to succeed and also are the ones who believe in sustainability despite all the odds or delays in their lives. Both of them are just two of the hundreds of women entrepreneur stories that we at Prayaana are proud of today! They are also sellers at our onlinee-commerce platform www.pracol.com where we feature, nurture and train our sellers regularly on branding and promotions of products, apart from various business skills. Being part of Prayaana and Pracol have helped these budding entrepreneurs gain confidence and scale up their business easily. They are now dreaming of doing things that they wished in their lives. They are also building dreams for their children and also supporting more women in this journey. They provide employment to various segments of people – mostly women.

Pracol – Prayaana Collective aims at bringing together more and more women like Indu and Saru who are talented and are willing to put in their hard work and also believe in ethical and sustainable businesses. Whenever you shop at www.pracol.com, you can be sure of the quality and most importantly the love and care given by these women entrepreneurs.

Yes, it’s time for us to look deeper into Women entrepreneurship and how to nurture it better. It is a known fact that fewer women engage in unethical business practices and look at the business with a more humane, more sustainable fashion than men. For eg: In the research conducted by Ahmed & Seet (2010), it was found that women perceived ethics and social responsibility conducts as more important than their male counterparts in managing their business. Yes, Women entrepreneurs bring in more passion, customer care and less corruption into the business world.

Now, Imagine a world where we have more and more women leadership and entrepreneurship engaging in sustainable and impact entrepreneurship. Just as the great poet Rabindranath Tagore prayed in his poem, “where the mind is without fear”, I pray to the almighty to Let my country awake into that land of equality and recognition for the untapped potentials of half of its population!

Cheers to Women Entrepreneurship, Cheers to Nation building!

CeeVee

References

Ahmad, N. H., & Seet, P. S. (2010). Gender Variations In Ethical And Socially Responsible Considerations Among Sme Entrepreneurs In Malaysia. International Journal Of Business & Society, 11(1).

Lets Divorce!

Oh my God! Did that title make you a little uncomfortable? Is the word “Divorce” making you feel that life has ended? Does this word make you feel that society is in bad shape? Our value systems are degrading? Well, read on.

A couple of weeks back, I was “advised,” by a man who belongs to a “conservative” and “traditional” family in India. He said, “I agree to your feminism. But I request you to do something for the increasing divorce rates in our society. Our family systems are failing because of the feminism around. Feminists are created wrong notions in the minds of young girls and they are not “adjusting” or “following our culture”

Well, this comment did not surprise me and most feminists will agree to this comment from patriarchal people, be it, men or women.  Divorce is considered as totally wrong and in most cases, the brunt of it goes to the woman. And the reason most people cite to say divorce is bad is this: “What about the kids’ future?”

 Let’s look at this in detail.  First, look at these statistics below.

The report titled "Progress of the World’s Women 2019-2020: Families in a Changing World" by UN Women, highlighted that despite increasing rates of divorce, only 1.1% of women are divorced, with those in urban areas making up the largest proportion in India. Well, just as you were surprised, I am also surprised that India has the lowest divorce rate in the world. But, should we feel proud of it?   The same report said that as the women’s rights have advanced over the past decades, families around the world have become a place of love and solidarity but also one where fundamental human rights violations and gender inequalities persist. Despite the high levels of inequalities and injustice meted out to women in families, our women do not seek divorce. Our women remain silent. They endure all the prejudices, abuses and what not. Why? Is it because of “fear of being single?”, or “fear of societal stigma”? , or “lack of family support?” or “lack of financial support?” or “fear of affecting the children’s future?”

Many people who watched the recent movie, “Thappad” which shares the story of a girl who chose to become a “housewife” and ended by getting beaten up in public and then decides to get divorced said that “All this for one beating? Women have been suffering much more sufferings and continue in bad marriages due to children”. Some even said that the movie was “promoting divorce” for small matters! Well, I would say, the movie did hit hard upon the various types of patriarchy and the stigma against divorce in our society. The fight was not by one woman for one beating, but against the centuries of oppression in the name of marriage rules. Our marriage system is totally “one-sided” and protecting male interests in most cases.

Women in unhappy marriages are not able to leave marriages due to the stigma and pressure of society. Often divorced women bear the brunt of Indian society. They are blamed for their failed marriage, called various names if they seek alimony or financial support and are more prone to harassment post-divorce. Court proceedings, change in documents are some of the problems women suffer while applying for the divorce. Multiple factors make women stay in abusive marriages. These vary from social to economic to psychological factors. For instance- girls grow up in households where abuse is normalized. Women bear abuse by their fathers and brothers for years and grow up thinking it normal. The entire culture of obedience and surveillance normalizes abuse at the domestic level. Women are more likely to be killed while leaving an abusive relationship than in being in that relationship. Lack of financial security makes women vulnerable to poverty and they couldn’t seek legal help without financial resources either. Many families refuse to keep their daughters with them if they choose to leave their husbands. Most importantly, the legal process is not only painstakingly long and slow, but it is also shielded by an impenetrable wall of judges who subscribe as much to the “log kya kahenge” (what will others think?) school of thought. We have seen family court judges advising the partners to become more “compromising and adjusting” and in some cases asking the women to be a “Pathi vratha” (an ideal wife). It is an irony that a woman who seeks divorce is already emotionally separated from her husband and whatever the judges say won’t matter to her.  Especially in a country which upholds the idea of marriage between strangers (arranged marriage), is a hotbed of failed marriages due to gender inequality, and still doesn’t legally recognise marital rape.

So, for those people, the stigma of getting divorced outweighs the individual freedom or self-esteem of being in a bad marriage. But in India, divorce seems to be the last resort.

According to the Atlantic,

“More divorces are a good sign for the economy.”

Loosely, it implies that people are more financially independent, career-driven and due to the lack of a problematic spouse holding them back domestically, more productive at work.

And Indian society needs to understand that divorce is not the end of a happy marriage but an escape from a bad marriage. In the end, it results in two happy individuals rather than one miserable couple.

Coming to the question of children. Yes, it does affect the psyche of children who undergo the trauma of watching their parents fighting or suffering from emotional or physical abuse or the uncertainty of separation. These children may grow up to be fearful of forming positive relationships. However, the big question remains: “Do you want to give a happy environment in the family or do you want to give an unsafe/unequal/traumatic family environment?”. As an empowered woman, I would choose the first over the second. The same is applicable for any empowered woman. However, the issue remains – “How many women in our society are really empowered to move to this decision?”

Some of the recommendations put forth by the earlier said UN report includes amending and reforming family laws to ensure that women can choose whether, when and who to marry; that provides the possibility of divorce if needed, and enable women’s access to family resources.

Alright, now, my answer to the question which my male friend asked me to do: to do something for reducing the divorce rate in society. I replied, “Unfortunately I am sorry, I cannot do that. Because when we work towards gender equality and women empowerment, it's very natural that women do get awareness about their rights and also about the different hidden patriarchal inequalities in the form of marriage, they do break it up. So, our divorce rates may increase in the coming years. I would consider it as an achievement if we have more divorces leading to more “happy, productive and empowered women” than a whole lot of frustrated and unproductive women!”. The man who advised me would have thought, “Here is another feminist, spoiling the societal values!”

And one thing I have decided to do with such people is to say “Let’s divorce”!

Yes, it’s time to divorce all that unnecessary b*** s*** rules of the society which has been preventing a woman from flourishing.

It’s time to divorce all the patriarchal notions and unwritten rules which stigmatises the choice of being single

It’s time to divorce all the legal/religious systems which deny a woman from deciding who she wants to marry or live with.

It’s time to divorce all those forces that consider a woman lesser!

Yes, It’s time to divorce the stigma against divorce!

 

Cheers to Divorce!

#CeeVee

August 2020

 

 

 

The Feminine Future

Last week one of the trending things on Facebook and other social media was the usage of an image processing app – FaceApp which produced morphed images of people turning them into the opposite gender. I could see many of the men in my friend list suddenly turning into gorgeous women who became divas and got hundreds of likes and comments including proposals! Well, the app did a pretty decent work of turning the roughest face into a smooth feminine face along with adding the hairstyle and makeup. I asked one man who daringly posted the image in his status and stories how he felt after this. He said he suddenly got liked by more people and felt happy at the attention he got. Then, I asked the question: “Now that you changed the facial features to become a woman, would you like to attempt some of her mental qualities as well? Why not become a bit more feminine?” Well, this friend got offended as he thought I was teasing him about his gender.  Then, I convinced him that to be “feminine”, a man need not transform into a woman. 

Scientifically and psychologically, the qualities of masculinity and femininity are not specific to a gender. Even in philosophical, spiritual, and mythological domains, we portray the existence of duality- the combination of male and female qualities. But in our society, we still consider a human being’s qualities in connection with their sex. Gender is a wider concept and the degrees of variances of the qualities of masculinity and femininity along with the increase or decrease of sex hormones determine one’s gender orientation.

What I am talking about today is neither about sex, nor gender. But about qualities. The qualities which are categorized as “feminine” or “masculine”. Every human being has both sets of these traits within them.

What if we combine these qualities to evolve to a better human being thereby a better world? Historically, the world ran on the systems of male violence – capitalism, patriarchy, supremacy for over a millennium, and have caused a wreck to the balance of the earth. Thus, we had the valiant kings and the slave masters who showcased their power through aggression and abuse. Even the patriarchy that we talk about has evolved from this aggressive nature of the wild trying to keep one’s territory. The supportive, loving and caring nature was stereotyped to be meek and “womanly”. In due course, men became forced to show aggression to be considered “manly”. A dystopic future lead by sinister mega corporations whose only motive is profit is an imminent peril derived out of this toxic masculinity.

The image by Miguel dean shows the need for the balancing of masculinity and femininity to evolve into a compassionate human being who believes in collective humanity.

(c) Miguel Dean

Feminine qualities like nurturing, empowering, kindness, intuitiveness, creativity, etc. when combined with confidence, power, courage, etc make a human being more “human”. For this to happen, we need more role models of women /feminine leadership and thankfully COVID brought out blatant differences of victory over the pandemic in regions /countries led by women. Well, if we look at this closely, we realize that the innately feminine qualities of women – collaboration, nurturing and even probably the lower self-esteem leading to over-reliance on experts rather than the brash arrogance of “I know it all” attitude have probably helped in the management of the pandemic effectively.  This has validated the relevance and importance of not just improving the number of women in leadership but also the importance of “feminine leadership style”

At an individual front, I think, if we shed the wounded masculine qualities of dominance, aggression, competitiveness qualities to become more of positive feminine qualities like sensitivity, understanding, and nurturing, we can have better relationships and better peace. These qualities also will matter much in the “new normal” in the post COVID era where people realize the difference between essentials and non-essentials in life. The ever greedy and competitive masculine who has always fought for power and tried to suppress another shall move aside to the frugal and futuristic feminine who tries to collaborate and win together.

Now, let’s look at our current world – the pandemic led uncertainty, the economic downfalls, the disruption of the existing ways of life, the border unrests, and the aggressions around:  All this leads to a transition phase.

Instead of going back to the all violating, selfish, discriminatory macho capitalism, can we transition to a feminine world? A world where we nurture and care not just for human beings but also to ensure that we provide a haven to all living beings.  A world where human beings thrive to create a conducive and a non-violating environment for all beings. A world which offers non-discriminatory and dignified living to any form of life?

Cheers to that Feminine Future!  

CeeVee