Hair-O-Mania

I was browsing the TV channels on a lazy afternoon and just out of curiosity , started counting the number of hair oil advertisements .To my surprise, I counted 12 different types of hair oil /capsules within an hour of TV watching.  Of late, the number of advertisements which claim to give you long hair and treat all your hair related problems has increased. 

Very interesting! ....Is it suddenly that people started having hair –related problems? Or is it because they suddenly became so conscious about their hair?  To  be frank, some of these ads are hopeless. I saw one, in which the female model claims that ,it’s the “birth right” of women to have long hair and no man can question her or harm her based on that. The worst part, the oil claims to make you assertive of your female rights!My god! I never knew , having  long hair would actually help you become “stronger” ! 

Those who have seen me some years back will remember that I had real long hair and now , got it cut short , after I started losing considerable hair due to hormonal imbalance in post-delivery phase. I think , these are just natural processes and nobody can stop these with some “magical” oil which will change your hair growth in 10 days or six weeks! And yes, I don’t think having long hair or short hair has any impact on one’s  mental strength.

Any physician would agree to the fact that hair is a tissue made out of dead cells of the body  and  the external texture and growth of the hair is dependant greatly to the internal condition of your body. But why then this howl over  all these hair oils?? 

To be more scientific, I had read more about coconut oil (thanks to a radio pgm of Coconut development board, a show which I hosted!) and you know something? Pure coconut oil is the best conditioner and it’s the only oil which actually penetrates easily deep into the hair roots. This is the truth and fact, whatever the different hairs  oils claim is just a marketing gimmick. 

Well, I know that you must be already aware of the above facts. But do you know what exactly makes one buy these hair oils and what harm it can create to the next generation?

People buy these products when they suddenly feel that they “don’t possess” something which they ought to, in order to survive in this society.   It is just their underlying lower self esteem and inferiority complex, which is in turn a by-product of deliberate advertising by these companies. To be precise, these companies survive just by bringing out the inferiority complex and encashing them. Just rewind some ten years back whether these types of hair oils were existent? Were people bothered about their hair? (may be they were bothered, but they chose coconut oil or some natural oils..)  In a research  study by one of my most respectable faculty in Cochin university (He is now a professor in IIM) , it was found that the personality factors like self esteem had a significant relationship to the time and money spent on make-up items. 

Infact, its not just hair oil, a whole range of “self esteem” products are actually creating a generation of human beings  who may become very poor in their self esteem. Hence , in future, our sons and daughters will have to wear heavy  make-up ,have their hair straightened or coloured  , use fairness cream, use the costliest deodorant and atleast ten such items before they even step out of their house. If any one item is missing, the guy/girl feels so uncomfortable that in the long run, they may lose their self-confidence  and start feeling that they can work properly only when they have the support of these items!

 Now, you might be wondering whether I don’t use any of these products.  Of course I do use some products, but definitely no hair oil which claims large results and no fairness creams (my husband says , it would  be a great challenge for a fairness cream if I am using it!).  But I make sure that even if these are not there, I don’t lose my self- confidence! 

 Adieu ..for now

Wooden Ceiling

Why do educated women (professionally qualified, sometimes) sit at home after marriage? Is it the man (her husband/in law’s) to be blamed? No, I don’t think so. Not always. These days men are quite supportive about their wife taking up a job..

I remember having met a doctor friend of mine, who complained that his wife- who is also  a doctor , is not willing to pursue her career , because their son is small. She would like to take care of the family and the newly built big house ,it seems.

Well, I feel very irritated when I see such women who quit their profession (that too highly qualified doctors, engineers, managers etc)  just because they have a son/daughter who goes to school! In some worst cases, this school going child will be around 17 years old.

Ok, I do agree that every woman may have to fulfill her role of motherhood during the initial years of a child. But the question is, how long? I would leave it to the woman herself to take a decision. But let me just put some thoughts before you take a final decision.

Every mother will have to breastfeed her baby say upto 1year or so. Let’s take this one year as a career break. After that, in majority cases, we find that these women get used to the comfort zone of not working. For eg, she can get up late in the morning, do her activities in a slower pace than when she was working and moreover, she enjoys the excellent company of her baby. During this time, she just cant imagine of leaving her baby to someone else for a job. Incidentally, many women  “spoil” her husband and to a great extent herself, in doing the household chores in a very relaxed manner. Her husband also starts enjoying his own lower responsibility levels in the family and feels that , if his wife do not go for a job, everything will be fine at home. Things move on like this for some more years.. say till the boy/girl goes to school. Once the child goes  to school, then again the lady has many more reasons for not taking up her profession. She now says, that she has to teach her kids..take them to various classes and above all her kid doesn’t eat vegetables or drink milk unless she feeds.

Time goes on..until when the child turns an adolescent. Now, comes the real shock for the mother. The child who was always holding the hands of the mom is no more.. the child starts having his/her own tastes…opinions and ideas… Then , comes the BIG FIGHT between the mom and the daughter/son. The husband during all this period was focusing on his career and  he sometimes hates coming home, because of the nagging of his wife and also the big fight of the mom and the kid.

Now comes the turning point. The ideologies of mom and the kid starts clashing and the father in most cases will start supporting the kid.(reason is simple: "Dad is cool..he understands me.and my generation..but mom doesn't know what's happening in the world and keeps on nagging me! ") ..The mom, ends devastated. She starts hating her own life ..thinks that no one loves her and curses her meaningless existence.. and in worst cases ends up with some psychological ailment.

Add to this, some women may start getting their menopausal symptoms which leads to hormonal imbalances at around the ages when their kids are entering the colleges. The mother then starts having a very difficult emotional and mental makeup and may also start having illnesses like heart problems, BP, diabetes, arthritis etc. The husband also in the meantime starts complaining the incapability of the wife in not being able to manage the house in the previous manner.

 Years go on..and when  the woman ultimately dies, of course her husband, children and grandchildren may cry for some time and then her memories slowly fade out.

Well, you may now ask me what’s wrong in this kind of a life? Ultimately the woman has fulfilled her role of a “good “ wife and a “good” mother.

But think for sometime, has she fulfilled her role of a good citizen of this world? Has she fulfilled her role of a good doctor/engineer/teacher/ or any other profession for which her parents sent her to college and took all the hardships for her education? 

Let me just conclude by saying that the number of women who are entering higher education , especially professional education is increasing. But how many of them actually pursue their career till the end? Glass ceiling may exist or not. But I would say there is a “Wooden Ceiling” in the minds of the women, who just forget their roles of a citizen and become selfish, thinking only about their family. Glass Ceiling can be broken, but only when the wooden ceiling is broken and women come out of their shell..will there be any purpose for their existence.

...Do think about this.. bye bye & take care!

CeeVee

P.S: I think , most nagging sessions will happen in houses where women don’t have any other activities. Also most cases of “doubt” about the husband will also be among housewives than working women. The reason is simple :”An idle mind is a devil’s workshop”!  and hey , one more thing: An educated idle mind is a better workshop for the devil!

P.S 2: Some "educated housewives" even have a contempt for the "working women" and feel that  these women go behind about their career and do not actually take care of their family well. But in real, i feel that working women make a much "better" mother than the nonworking mother.

PS3: I am not saying that all women should go for a "job". My point is "all women must have some income generating activity", which will keep their brain busy.

Andro and Gyne

Suddenly I remembered today that it’s a long time since I wrote in my blog! Thanks to one of my friends to make me remind. She sent me an email informing me about her new venture and along with it, mentioned that she is an ardent reader of my blog!  Now, that gave me some kind of fire in my stomach and lo, I sat up with my laptop!!

Last day, I met a group of women doctors who are heading Government Health Centers in Kerala . They are all very adept at managing their family as well as professional life. I had administered a psychometric test called “Androgyny Scale”. Almost 80% of them fell into the category called “androgynous”.  

“Andro” in greek means “Man” and “Gyne” means “Woman”. This concept is based on the principle that every human being has some “Male” and some “Female” qualities in them. I know what struck you now: the concept of “Ardhanaareeshwaran” (an incarnation of Lord Shiva, as per Hinduism, who is half man and half woman). Well, that’s something which Indian culture has identified thousands of years ago, but when it is “empirically” tested in some reputed University in America, we tend to accept it without any questions!). The famous psychologist Carl Jung said something similar when he said that every personality has both “Anima” and “Animus” ; that male and female qualities. 

“The androgynous person is simply a female or male who has a high degree of both feminine (expressive) and masculine (instrumental) traits. A feminine individual is high on feminine (expressive) traits and low on masculine (instrumental) traits. A masculine individual is high on instrumental traits and low on expressive traits. An undifferentiated person is low on both feminine and masculine traits” (Says: Sandra Bem, a psychologist from Stanford University, 1971)

Incidently, the lady doctors in my study were falling in that category because of their education and exposure level, I would say!

Now, y am I telling all this? Its high time that our society comes out of the gender role stereotyping and accept the fact that what we require is a human capital which is efficient and effective in their own field of activity ; whether a male or female.

“Gender –role stereotyping”- the terminology is academical.  Let me make it simple. A woman  has all the   “C”s in life :  like Cooking, Cleaning ,  Caring , Conserving , where  as, a man has all the  “E”s in life:  Education , Earnings , Enjoyment and is Entrusted with power. 

I had recently attended a Seminar on “Gender Inequality in Political representation and participation” recently. Met several woman who have “struggled” to reach the positions they are in now. One common thread: they had to face criticisms, provocations, bad experiences, rumors etc one after another before they were accepted. In short, a woman has to run five steps when the man has to run only one step ,in order to make their presence felt.

When a woman becomes “assertive” and voices her opinion, she is branded as “Thantedi” or “Ahankari” (meaning aggressive or arrogant). Incidentally, as part of the International women’s day (march 8^th)- The Kerala Govt organized a one week program called “Gender Fest” at Calicut. I don’t know what happened there, but the name given to the fest is interesting “Thantedam Fest”. (The word “thantedam” normally means “confidence” , but is rather used to denote “arrogance”) 

When women say about their problems, they are branded as “complaining group”, but when men air their problem it is their “opinion”. When women speak for women, they are branded as “feminist” and when men speak for men, they are called as “experts”. In the corporate world or the political world the representation of women in the top positions is very minimal or near zero. Just take the top fifty companies in India and see how many women are there in their director board? (Phenomenon of Glass ceiling) Or just take the number of ministers or political representatives. Well, this is not just in the case of India, but is prevalent in the whole world (refer IPU survey, 2010).

Well, these are just tips of the iceberg. The more and more I meet new people in my life, I get confirmed on the fact that this gender stereotyping actually exists in our society. 

What is the solution? A solution can be given normally to one problem, but when problems are many, we need many solutions. However, since all societal problems starts from family, we can start with a solution at home. Yes, the upbringing of children, that’s where I am coming to! (Hey, we can’t do anything about the harm that has been already done by our previous generation. Atleast we will try to develop the next generation in a better way!) 

In a family, the present generation parents should try to inculcate the values of equality among both genders of kids. For eg: never tell your girl child that she should learn cooking because she has to take care of her family in future. Also don’t tell your boy child not to learn cooking because that’s the job of a female. Give both of them the opportunity to learn cooking as well as changing the bulb (which is normally stereotyped as a male’s job!).
In western countries, the home management is carried out equally by both husband and wife. But here , even if both husband and wife are working at same place, when they return home, the husband sits on the sofa and asks for a “hot tea” to the wife! The wife who has been working all day moves to the kitchen without complaining, coz she also thinks, its her job  to provide all the facilities for her husband.(If you are doing this, then let me remind you that your child grows seeing this and he is sure to do the same in future!)   This inequality is what the so called “feminists” are trying to change. 

As I said in the beginning, every human being has both feminine qualities and masculine qualities . The world needs BOTH. Similarly, there is no job in the world that can be said as a “male” job or a “female” job. Woman, when given the opportunity and capacity building, they are sure to excel in any field.

Whether you are Andro or Gyne, what the world needs is an “Androgyne” who is efficient, effective and elegant in their own way!

Chao….for now!

P.S: most of my comments/opinions above are influenced by great women whom I have interacted in the past many days and I have adopted their views in this post!