#RealLife Story
A lady in her early forties, educated and worked in a bank as branch manager shared her story of domestic violence by her husband which includes sexual perversion, beating, mental and physical torture. She mustered the courage to open up recently to her brother after more than 19yrs of marriage. Having two kids in teenage, she now finally decided to get divorce because her kids are understanding their mom's plight.
At the outside, this is a happy family with husband and wife working, kids studying in good schools, family, relations etc. She had to quit her bank job due to various personal issues and is employed in some private company for survival.
She stays away from her own house in the pretext of job so that she need not suffer his torture. She doesn't have property or other financial support. Her job is crucial and she survives with hopes of being an independent and happy person thanks to her financial empowerment.
She was always under the impression that its a "wife's" duty to accept the husband the way he is and if possible correct his bad habits. So all these years she tried to adjust and correct his personality disorder with love and care. But now she realized that she has lost her youthful age trying to live for someone else who doesn't value her and her potentials. But she has to go forward right?
When I met her last day, I felt inspired at her grit to survive all the physical and mental tortures. We also think that domestic violence occurs in lower strata of society. But of late I am interacting and meeting several ladies who come from middle class and upper middle class and have faced violence in mild to severe forms.
1. Ladies, Do NOT accept / adjust to Domestic Violence at any cost. Get out of that marriage as early as possible. If children are a question - remember, Your Children deserves better home even if its by a Single mom. If money is a matter, discuss with your parents/ family for support. If that's not available, move out and take up a job for survival until you become capable of helping your kids.
2.Always remember Financial Empowerment is key to women's empowerment. Get an income at any age. Never quit your job/career for any reason. Your maternity break which sometimes goes upto 15 years then becomes your biggest barrier in life. But don't lose hope. Remember, where there is a will, there is a way. Start small .But keep going.
3. Thirdly, remember, Your life is NOT meant to reform or correct a man's weaknesses or mental disorder or deep rooted patriarchal notions. You are an independent soul and you have a life of your own. Your age is never a deterrent for pursuing your passions or even finding a better partner. Being happy is your birth right! Love Yourself first and Be your own Valentine before you become someone else's
We at Prayaana are trying to help single women / planning to be single women with jobs / business support and are launching a self-help initiative to help such women on this March 2020. Do get in touch with us via www.facebook.com/prayaanalabs if you wish to contribute or nominate any such woman.
The Government is now instilling several initiatives for helping women at distress. In Kerala, there is Mitra 181 helpline if u need support for domestic violence. You can get shelter for free if you need to stay away from home for sometime or until you find a job.
#CeeVee
The proceeds of this book completely goes to the NGO which I run, Prayaana Labs , based in India. Prayaana works towards empowerment of Women in providing skill development and entrepreneurship trainings.
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